A New Dealbreaker

Nutella Box

The Nutella Valentine’s Day Box from Kayter Co. Source: Instagram @kayter_co

I’ve been on a dating hiatus lately. I deleted all of the dating apps from my phone a couple of months ago having decided (for the time being) that online dating was not for me.

I was still in that mindset a few weeks ago, however after I had drunk a bottle of red in the bath one Friday night (you know, the usual) I decided to load up Tinder again just to look at the pictures.

But being a bit/lot tiddly, I was pleasantly surprised by what I saw. Some of these guys looked like fresh stock on the market and were actually quite attractive. I (apparently) swiped right on a number of them…

One I matched with immediately and we started chatting on the app. His name was Keith. Oops. I’ve written before that I can’t “see my future husband as a Wayne, Shane or a Keith” but he seemed like my type in both of his pics.

We had some good chat filled with witty banter that had me laughing out loud for reals (perhaps a little spurred on by the wine though…) and after about an hour of typing I decided that I was in the mood to chat on the phone. I sent him my phone number with the message “you call me now so I can tell if you’re a weirdo or not”. It was almost midnight. In hindsight he may have thought I was calling for some sexy time chat…

When he called I realised he was English. This is also often a no no for me with my teeth concerns. He was not smiling in either pic. Because I was tiddly, I flat out asked him if he had bad teeth because English people so often have bad teeth. He laughed and said no, he has good teeth.

We spoke for about an hour and he also revealed that he is quite political (not my bag) and a real greenie who is quite passionate about climate change. So I’m sure he would love my desire to drive everywhere in my very thirsty car, as well as the amount of water I use/waste in my giant bath tub most nights….

It’s getting late and before we say our goodbyes he asks to take me to brunch in a few days. In between we are txting to organise where we’ll meet. I had told him that I have a foodie list of places that I want to go based on pics that I’ve seen on Instagram, so he suggests we go to one of those places. Awesome! I want to go to this place that does the famous ‘Tella Ball Shakes. It’s a ridiculous milkshake topped off with a Nutella doughnut.

I thought he’d be pretty excited about this prospect too because, Nutella. Turns out he isn’t excited at all as it could kill him. Yep, he has a nut allergy. My heart is broken. No Nutella. No peanut butter. Chocolate is a death trap. So is a lot of bread apparently. These are a few of my favourite things….

We instead arrange to meet at one of my favourite brunch places in Balmain. He messages about 15 mins before we are due to meet to say he is probably running 5-10 mins late. Another big no no in my book, but to his credit he at least told me before and not right on the time we were meant to meet, or even after like most guys do!

I take a table and check out the menu even though I know I’m getting the corn cakes with avocado and crispy, crispy bacon mmmm. When he arrives I get up to give him a kiss on the cheek and I feel quite tall next to him. He told me he was bang on six foot, I’m 5’10” and was wearing flats. Hmmm….

We start with the usual chit chat and he has a quite nice, lively face and a cheeky smile…but there is something unexpected. He has a big gap between his top teeth. To be fair, his teeth are nice, but gap teeth are something I just don’t dig. I know lots of people are into them, famous models have made a career with them, but it’s not for me.

But we have a great meal with lots of good chat, so when he suggests we get another takeaway coffee and take a walk I say yes as I’m genuinely having a fun time with him. We walk down to the park on the water and then back to our cars as both our parking meters are about to run out. He asks if I wanted to do anything else after that, but I had to leave to get some references and things sorted for a job so I head off.

We exchanged a couple of messages later that afternoon, but then it just fizzled and I assume neither of us were keen enough to pursue it which is fine.

It was probably for the best. I wouldn’t have been able to commit to keeping him safe by never eating delicious, delicious Nutella ever again. Mmmmmm nuts….