The Gentleman Doth Protest Too Much

Tinder has continued to be full of previous disappointments and those that no doubt would be a future disappointment should I have chosen to meet them.

After some of my recent posts I had people email me or comment on the blog about me being too picky and like most women in Sydney, that I am looking for something that simply does not exist.

Someone wrote to me from a dating consultancy that claims highly eligible Sydney bachelors are struggling to find a lady here but when they open up their search overseas (and not to like Russia or something…), they are inundated with dates.

So obviously there is something wrong with Sydney women. It couldn’t possibly be that Sydney men are below par. Clearly all my sexy single women friends that are highly motivated, have a wicked sense of humour and great lives should think themselves lucky to go on a date with the bloke that looks like he hasn’t brushed his teeth since 1999, hates his job, whinges about it but does nothing to improve the situation and despite being pretty much middle aged, is still desperate for pay day to roll around each month.

Sure, I know you’re going to say that there are loads of decent guys out there that are not like that at all. But let me tell you, there are a shit ton of those losers and they are very active on dating sites!

And yes I do admit that there are some good on paper guys that I’ve met and they seem to tick the boxes, but when it comes down to it, I just don’t want them to tick my box so to speak. As shallow as it sounds, there has to be physical attraction and chemistry for a romantic relationship otherwise he is just like a girlfriend but with the opposite parts. Well that’s how it goes in my rule book anyway…

Recently I talking to a guy on tinder who looked like my type in his pics, sounded like my style in messages and seemed like he was ticking some boxes. When he asked for my number, I decided to ask him the usual deal breaker questions before moving offline.

This started with height. Absolute deal breaker for me. Yes, I remember that the Englishman was a little shorter than me and yes I remember I was really into him, BUT it was a brief dalliance so it remains untested if height would have become an issue down the track.

So I tell him that there are things I like to know before moving to chatting on the phone.  He seems keen to play and says shoot.

I ask him his height.

He responds 5’11”. Ok, not ideal. I do not consider 5’11” tall….

I respond saying cool I’m 5’10”.

And then it all turns to shit. His next message is:

“That’s great. But I’m looking for someone who likes me for who I am, not because I’m a certain height. You may call it practical but it comes across as superficial. Anyway, it’s a real turn off so I’ll respectfully pass on taking things to the next level”.

Hmmm sure as shit that man was actually about 5’7″.

Just imagine how he would have reacted on the 27th question when I asked for a pic of his teeth…..

The List – the Top 16

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On the last day of work last year I was driving home with Ms A and we were discussing my dates over the previous few months, the different qualities that each of them had and why they weren’t my future husband.

Ms A attempted to check the guys off against the Top 5 list of criteria that I was asked to specify when I signed up to the Executive Matchmaker, but it had been a while since then and it was stretching my memory to remember what was in the Top 5. I started rattling off things and realised by the 8th item that I could keep going for quite a while.

The original Top 5 was:

1. Intelligent

2. Funny

3. Tall

4. Nice teeth

5. No kids

Which are certainly right up there in priority of what I’m looking for, but seeing the whole Executive Matchmaker thing was rubbish and they clearly didn’t know shit, I’ve revisited the list without the constraint of a 5 item cap and I’ve determined that I need a Top 16.

1. Tall – 6ft plus

2. Funny

3. Intelligent

4. Successful

5. Ambitious / motivated in life

6. Has shit together

7. Would fit in with family AND friends (it’s often been one or the other…or neither)

8. No kids

9. Wants kids at some point

10. 33-42ish (although I previously thought up to 45, that IVF Single Women Sperm Donor session that I went to revealed that a man’s sperm quality erodes significantly from 43, with a higher chance of birth defects etc, so unless he’s got some frozen somewhere to add to my likely frozen eggs by that stage in a few years time…which is totes awks to ask on a first date…it’s probably not going to work)

11. A ‘manly’ man

12. Nice teeth

13. A bit of a foodie

14. Definitely not a vegetarian – pizza with 5 different types of meat on it drives me wild

15. Not a non-drinker – wine is one of my favourite pastimes

16. Non-smoker

I also would like to put ’17. In to cars’ on the list but really, I could probably concede on that fact. If I had to…

At least that gives me the criteria to know for sure when I’ve found my Unicorn – the one that meets the whole Top 17!