My Night with the Chicken Pot Pie

Superhero Businessman French Cityscape Concept

Hellooooo! Sorry, it’s been a while I know. I have been busy and just not in the mood to write lately. But tonight I’m in the mood to rant!

I was meant to go on a date tonight with a very sexy (supposedly) French man. We met on Tinder last week and after chatting for a few days on the app, I decided to give him my number and ask him to call so I could do the voice test before moving to a face to face date.

That call actually didn’t go well. When I answered he said hello and that it was ‘Mr A’. I responded with a ‘hey how are you?’

He must have misheard that as he replied with ‘you know I’m Mr A, we were just talking on Tinder, I live in…’ like I had so many Mr A’s that I had just given my number to that there could possibly have been some confusion. Okaaaaay….

The call continued and I could hardly understand him at all. I think he said that he had been in Australia for nine years, but his accent was very heavy. It was the awkward type of conversation where after you’ve said ‘pardon’, ‘sorry’ and ‘what’ and still don’t know what he said after three attempts that you do a little giggle and move on.  We cut the call short after discussing catching up soon and I couldn’t help but think I may need subtitles on the date.

By Tuesday we’ve agreed via txt to meet up on Sunday night. By Thursday we’ve agreed the meeting place and have been chatting some more, including him sending me some pics of the view of the Vivid light festival from his apartment with him suggesting that he would invite me over, but he understands that I probably wouldn’t be keen to do that on a first date. You think?

Sunday lunchtime comes and I shoot a txt over to him to confirm that we are still on for our date that evening. He replies immediately saying yes and reconfirms the meeting details for 5:30pm. It’s all sorted.

I start to get ready about 3:30pm as I’m planning on catching the bus into the city about 4:40pm. It’s one of those days when your makeup just works and you like what you see in the mirror. I’ve started doing my hair when my phone chirps from the bedroom a little after 4pm. It’s him.

“Hi SSIS, sorry for the short notice but I have to cancel, I apologise”

WTF?!? Late notice and no elaborate excuse as to why?! I expect to see an excuse of the calibre of my grandmother died, or my dog ate a tube of superglue, or I fell down the stairs and broke my face for pulling the pin so late.

I reply “Oh…” giving him the hint that I’m expecting more than that.

He replies “I am really sorry, but I am feeling like shit and tired”.

Tired? Tired!!! Everyone is fucking tired. All the fucking time. I just reply “Ok” and leave it at that.

I finish doing my hair, but decide that a night in is in order and also that I’m in the mood to cook. I pull out my Mum’s recipe for Chicken Pot Pies and head out to the shops to grab the ingredients.

Whilst I’m out I see a crazy cool sunset with the sky all sorts of pink and orange and the pies I made were pretty damn good if I say so myself. So perhaps it wasn’t all bad that my plans changed.

Frenchie continues to try and make himself feel better by justifying his sudden ‘illness’ sending messages that he has been in bed sleeping, that he had a big night last night and is really hungover, and that he should remember that he isn’t 20 anymore.

Whatevs dude. I unmatched him on Tinder…but with a tiny pang of sadness seeing he was smokin’ hot…

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Am I being Catfished?

After last weekend where the guy formerly known as the lovely English gent who turned into an asshole (unless he was hit and killed by a bus and that is why I haven’t heard from him, if so, my condolences to his family) I decided to give Tinder a rest…

But before I did, I thought I’d give it a few last swipes. I then found an interesting profile with just one pic which was a photo of a plane. I’m not sure why I clicked into it, but his profile said something about being easy going, fun, loves a laugh and quotes himself as ‘reasonably good looking’. Now I really want to see his photo if he is talking himself up like that!

But I swiped right for yes and we matched. I sent him a message immediately saying that I found his profile intriguing that he would be Tindering with no pic. He replied and said that there was nothing suspicious about it, he just has a lot of clients and didn’t want work people to see him on there. We started chatting and he was actually quite interesting.  We chatted for about 2 hours, then the following night there was more great chatting, and then again the next night. By then it was Thursday and I suggested that we catch up on the weekend. We exchanged numbers and I said to him that it would make it easier for me to find him when we meet up if I have some idea what he looked like. *wink, wink, nudge, nudge, send me your photo please!

I was surprised at myself that I would want to meet someone I hadn’t seen a pic of. It’s the ultimate blind date – which is so unusual for online dating! But what I’ve been doing hasn’t been working, so why not I guess?!?

Friday passes and I don’t hear from him. Most of Saturday passes and I haven’t heard from him either. I send him a txt msg Saturday afternoon to ask what time we are going to catch up on Sunday. No response.

When I woke up this morning I was thinking of just deleting him off Tinder and moving on. He hadn’t been active on Tinder the past few days so I thought I’d wait until I could tell he was alive (seeing all my dates keep dying lately….). I was just heading out to lunch with a friend when I get a Tinder message from him saying that he is sorry he hasn’t messaged me, but he got stuck up the north coast due to bad weather, he also lost his phone and was messaging me on his iPad and he has come down with the flu today and asked if we could raincheck our date for tonight.

Wow. I always complain about the guys that die that they don’t have the balls to send a simple txt and prefer to just ignore me. This guy has coughed up 3 excuses whilst cancelling a date. But, I can’t help but feel that it is terribly bad luck to have all that happen at once.

Could it be true? I’ve still not seen this guy’s pic. I have not spoken to him on the phone either. Could he be a 18 yr old girl that has been bullied her entire life and is deciding to fuck with people just for the fun of it? Note, on Friday night I saw the show Catfish where this 21 yr girl had been chatting to a model she met online and they were txting that they love each other and want to marry for 8 months despite the fact they had never met or spoken. The show gets them together and the model guy turns out to be an 18 yr old very unfortunate looking bisexual girl. Great show! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Catfish:_The_TV_Show

Could ‘he’ like talking to me, but can’t meet up or it would reveal his secret so that’s why the 3 lies? Could ‘he’ be Casey Donovan catfishing me to get revenge for all the shit she has copped after she revealed her 6 yr relationship with a man, who was a girl, who she was having sex with cause her man who she never met wanted her to? Yes, it’s complicated. For my non-Aussie readers check this out to get up to speed http://www.news.com.au/entertainment/music/casey-donovans-bizarre-confession-my-sixyear-relationship-was-a-hoax/story-e6frfn09-1226837272582.

So I eventually replied tonight saying that it was an unusual amount of misfortune he has endured this weekend and that a cynical person who has met a lot of Tinder dickheads may not believe it. He replied saying that it was all true and all he can do is hope I believe it and that he’d like to keep talking to me.

I’m unconvinced. Thoughts?

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The one with the Little Sausage

It’s a long weekend in Sydney this weekend and I headed into it quite excited about it being a great weekend. I had a dinner planned with friends Saturday night and Date 2 planned with the last date of Dating Palooza weekend, the English guy.

I didn’t give a lot of detail about this guy in the first post. We met on Tinder, chatted a bit about his work as a Business Development Manager at a hotel chain and although we work in different industries, realised that we had quite similar professional backgrounds. He offered up his phone number and the following night we moved to txting. That went well and so we planned to catch up on the Sunday night (as I already had dates almost every other part of the weekend hehe) and on the Thursday night before that I asked him if he was free to chat on the phone as it will make the date less awkward.

When we spoke we debated if Sunday night will be a date or not. He said he would call it a meeting and he seemed uncomfortable with calling it a date.  It turned out when we did meet that this was because he was new to online dating and hadn’t actually met someone in person before. For me, I’ve now been on so many online ‘dates’ that the word barely even resembles something exciting or romantic, so perhaps I should start calling them meetings or appointments as well!

We kept chatting and we were talking about going for drives and I asked him if he was into cars. He said kinda and got all excited telling me that he had bought his first brand new car last year. I’m quite into cars, not for the mechanics, but certainly the aesthetics and the cool stuff in them. I ask him what he’s got and he tells me it is a Kia Rio. Oh dear….

I had nothing really to say about that and truth be told, I place a Kia pretty much on the bottom of the list of cars I would ever own. It also sounded like quite a girly car to me! He then asks what I have and the thought crosses my mind that perhaps I should lie as he sound so proud of his Kia, but I go ahead and tell him I drive a BMW. He takes it well and asked lots of questions about it and the conversation continues along with lots of joking around and it made me really excited about the date.

The date was great and we exchanged a few txts in the days after and the tone was still really flirty and like things were progressing well. Things were a bit quieter by Thursday and we still hadn’t organised our next date. So I take the bull by the horns and call him Thursday night, but I get his voicemail. I leave a message saying I was just calling to chat and to see if we could line up a catch up over the weekend.

I’m getting ready to go to bed late that night and he hasn’t called back or messaged me and I’m started to get a little worried he isn’t interested. But then he txts me apologising for missing my call and says he’d love to catch up on the weekend and suggests Sunday night. We message a bit after this and he asks me to decide on the location this time as he did it last time.

We message a few times on Friday. All pleasant stuff. Saturday afternoon I txt him my idea for Sunday night which included meeting at a bar that has great cocktails, followed by dinner at a sexy tapas place.

He has read receipts on his phone and I notice that he hasn’t even read my txt by the time I go to bed that night. Nor when I get up on Sunday morning. By 1pm I’m wondering if we are still on for that night and I’m yet to make reservations at the tapas place, so I’m keen to find out. I txt him and ask what’s going on as he hadn’t responded to my txt and ask if we are catching up tonight or not. I check it an hour later and he appears to have read it but doesn’t reply. I am increasingly getting the shits. This guy came across so nice and genuine, even sweet, so why is he being a cock?

I’m getting more annoyed and by 4pm I’ve resolved that we are not going out, but I don’t want him getting away with being an ass. So I decide to call him! I of course get his voicemail and I leave a message saying that I was just ringing to see what happened as we supposedly had plans tonight. I also say that is seems like pretty poor form unless he has been hit by a bus.

I settle in for the night to start watching Orange is the New Black with some red wine. At least that was worthwhile use of the night as it’s an awesome show. I got 7 eps into the first series!

But what the hell happened to this guy? If he had met someone else, or just lost interest in me, surely he could have just responded to my txt about the plans for Sunday with him saying actually, no I’m not keen anymore, let’s not catch up. That would have been fine. Sure, it would have been a bit shit as I enjoyed our first date, but it’s the right thing to do. You can’t just go AWOL when you have made plans with someone.

I check Tinder before going to bed and notice he hasn’t been online for a while. I’m tempted to delete him, but I leave him there for now. When I wake up in the morning I see he has been on Tinder overnight. So I guess his fingers are in fine working order so that’s not a reason for his lack of response.

I block him and do what all ladies need to do when guys do shitful things, I txt my gfs to tell them the situation. They respond with the lovely things friends say like it’s his loss, what a loser etc etc. But one of my friends says to me ‘It’s probably for the best. He probably only had a tiny sausage anyways’. It gave us all a good giggle, but it did get me thinking…

Firstly, he drives a Kia Rio. Come on. Secondly, he has no balls if he was too afraid to send me a txt. Thirdly, on our first (and only) date, after some serious pashing, we got up to leave and kissed a bit more passionately whist waiting for cabs. We were standing up leaning against a fence and I was pressed up against him. And I didn’t notice anything. Not a thing.

I think my friend was right ;p

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WTF is wrong with Tinder guys?!?!

woman's long legs with high heels

I’ve been talking to a guy on Tinder for about a week and a half. Strangely, unlike when talking to most guys, I had to pretty much force my number on him as he wasn’t being forthcoming in asking me to meet. I did that this morning, he said something ridiculous like “i’m honoured to have got your number” and we started txting and trying to line up a time to meet this weekend. There was constant txting throughout the day, he seemed really keen and we ending up deciding to meet at a bar near my place at 7:30pm this evening.

I rushed home from work, got changed, redid my makeup and thought my hair was looking f’ing fabulous! I was putting on my shoes just before 7pm when I get a txt message from him saying “Will you hate me if I raincheck?

I take off my shoes, put on my tracky daks and pull on my ugg boots….and order pizza. Then I send the dickhead a message saying ‘first impressions count and you just blew yours’. He replies going ‘but you haven’t met me yet’. Exactly.

This is on top of another guy I was talking to last Friday night on Tinder practically begging me to have lunch with him on Saturday as he was going overseas for work for a few weeks (or with his wife, who knows). He sounded like an ok guy, so I rearrange a few things so I can fit in lunch with him. This includes getting up extra early in the morning to get a few things done before heading off to some appointments. I had given him my phone number Friday night and we agreed to meet somewhere in Balmain at 1pm,  but didn’t lock in where exactly at that stage.

He messages me on Tinder in the morning exchanging pleasantries. Then I get home about 12pm, go fix up my hair and makeup and check my phone at 12:15pm as I need to leave soon and I need to know where to go! And here is where I find a Tinder message saying ‘sorry I can’t make lunch’ then ‘I’d really love to meet you soon’ at 12:04pm. Less than a hour before lunch! With no fake sob story about his grandma dying or anything!!! On Tinder!! He had my number (i didn’t have his) he could have called, or txt or anything less rude than sending me a stupid Tinder message.

So I reply ‘That’s lovely. Thanks for giving me so much notice’. He replies ‘are you cranky at me?’ – I love a perceptive man!

I ignored him after that but he kept sending me messages all afternoon. He is now blocked.

And this is also after another guy who I thought was fantastic after 2 dates turned into a real dick and just went AWOL. He deserves his own post though….

So in summary, Tinder is shit.

Three of three – He Died

Well, well, well. I have been so busy lately I haven’t had a chance to pop on and update the blog about my trifecta date week.

Not that it really matters….as date number three went AWOL before we could meet. Yep, no word from him at all. He hasn’t even been on RSVP since the day I last heard from him. So I can only assume that he died. Or he went to that mysterious island all the men go to when they never return your calls….I like to think of it as Tasmania. 

His loss right? Right???