My Arranged Online Marri…Matches

A few weeks ago I received an email from RSVP reminding me that the stamps I had purchased recently were about to expire. RSVP is free to exchange ‘kiss’ messages to gauge interest, but you need to pay for stamps to be able to email people. I had just two days to use them, or lose them.

Before these stamps, I had once purchased a pack of 24 stamps as those sneaky fuckers make bulk buying so damn economical that you can’t say no! If I bought 24, it was only $5 a stamp and I had a year to use them. I thought at the time, well that’s just like buying someone a coffee and I’d always be happy to do that, so I’ll go the bulk pack. That was a mistake as I really struggled to shift those 24 stamps.

History repeated itself with these new stamps. I had been browsing RSVP and saw a guy that I had dismissed on Tinder because he had just one pic and in that pic he looked like he had a giant forehead. Yes, I know what you’re thinking….

Anyhoo, when I saw him again on RSVP I had access to more info than what was displayed on Tinder and I thought he sounded quite interesting and well suited to me. Perhaps there is a lesson there about first impressions? Wait for it….

So I sent him a kiss to see if he was interested, he sent back a positive response, so the ball was in my court to cough up for a stamp so we could email each other.

But you can’t buy just one stamp. Grrrr those sneaky fuckers! The minimum you can buy is 3 stamps, they are $15 each and they expire within 30 days. Sometimes you start talking to someone, realise they are a bore and it fizzles out without meeting. That’s ok at $5 an attempt, $15 is a little more annoying, but if I end up only talking to that one guy in that month, that is $45 just to talk to him. I could call a phone sex line for less….I think?!

But in the spirit of YOLO, I click purchase and I’m away! We exchange those first few boring generic online dating emails and after a week it hadn’t ramped up into anything interesting so I was out. See, the big forehead was a sign….

I looked through RSVP over the next few days but nothing else caught my eye and I then forgot about it until I received the 2 day expiry warning. So I get back on RSVP and look again, but alas there is no interesting new stock on display.

I tell Mr B-Dawg (he requested a cool name?!?) about my plight. He suggests I wildcard it to use the last two stamps and just randomly select someone and see what happens. I tell him I’ve already spoken with all the good ones and there are only undesirable candidates left. He accuses me of being too picky and he does not believe that there are no eligible bachelors left on RSVP.

Well, I’m happy to get a second opinion and particularly a qualified opinion as Mr B-Dawg and I are both into guys. I give him my RSVP login and password and tell him to find me a man!!

I nervously await the result and Mr B-Dawg comments that we have the same taste in men as he can see all the men that I’ve already contacted. Ok, feeling reassured….

When I log in to see who my future husband is, I’m confused by what he thinks my taste in men is. The first guy I see is ‘ladiesgiddyup’. Usually I would dismiss this guy based purely on his douchey mcdouchey username, but he amps up the douche factor with his profile pic which shows him with his hands gesturing to his crotch area. Yeh, I get it dude….

Ok, one wrong turn is ok B-Dawg. Next up is ‘UKclosedmouth’ (obviously not his real name). He looks ok, but I avoid guys from the UK if I can’t see his teeth in his pics as I have experienced too many English folks with feral teeth to risk it again. I know, so judgemental….don’t hate me UK readers!

Next is outdoorsy guy. He is good looking, ruggedly handsome BUT in his main profile picture he is wearing a khaki shirt and the rest of his pics feature him fishing. His profile speaks of loving the outdoors and nature and……camping. Look I love nature too, but from a boat or seaside balcony with a glass of wine. Highly incompatible.

Maybe fourth time lucky? The next guy I’ll admit I’ve looked at a few times before and found his profile pics attractive, BUT both of the pics show him with his mouth shut, no sign of teeth. Other than that he seems to tick my boxes based on his profile. Tall, 35, non-smoker, no kids, not a vegetarian, occasional drinker, possibly smart as he has a post grad education. Ok, we have a winner!

I use stamp number 2 on him and we start emailing. Success!

No. That was short lived. On his second email he told me he worked ‘mixing drugs in a lab and it’s just like cooking, but instead of food I’m using drugs’.

Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd I’m out.

Maybe it was a legitimate pharmacist job. Maybe he was saving lives. Maybe he was about to cure cancer. Maybe he would have been my unicorn.

BUT he also lived in the Shire (which no one but Shire people like) and that combined with the dodgy job AND the potential lack of teeth was just too big a risk to take ;p

The One That Was a Little Too Refined

Winemaker with wine glass.

A few nights after the date with the one that was not quite refined enough I went on a date with a guy I’d met on RSVP. I have sworn off RSVP a number of times before as I’ve not had many good experiences with guys I’ve met from there, but for some reason I occasionally take a look again and sometimes find someone that catches my eye.

This guy was yet another Mr M and we had exchanged a few emails before moving to txt. Early in the week we arranged to meet for dinner on the upcoming Saturday night with him wanting to take the initiative to plan the date. Great, I like a take charge kinda man!

I had intended to put him through the phone screen round before Saturday, but I had a really busy week and was out every night leading up to the date. But I knew he was tall, worked in Finance and that he had a Japan holiday planned for early next year, which new psychic seems to think is a path to my soulmate, so what could go wrong?

On the night I arrive by taxi to the restaurant almost bang on time for our 7pm reservation. A couple of minutes past 7pm he txts me saying that he is running late, probably about 10 minutes. Great. This will not go well. Not only do I despise lateness, particularly on a first date, but it’s even worse when they don’t even bother to pre-warn of the lateness.

So I hang around out the front of the restaurant as its a tiny quaint little French restaurant that seats 16 people max (according to the review I had pre-read) and it would be really weird for me to wait inside alone.

He eventually turns up about 7:15pm and I give him a kiss on the cheek which is beard covered. Now, I don’t mind a beard at all, in many cases I quite dig them, but none of his pics had indicated that he had facial hair.

We go inside and are seated at a table so close to the couple next to us that we are pretty much about to have dinner with them. The place is run by an elderly French couple that run it entirely by themselves. He cooks, she serves. When the owner lady sees Mr M she gives him a funny look as he has gone to give her a kiss on the cheek, then she seems to recognise him and all is good. Apparently Mr M has been going to the restaurant for 10 yrs and they are old friends.

He introduces me and she tells me that she didn’t recognise him with the beard. She then asks me if I prefer him with the beard or without. Ummmm I don’t know lady, I can barely remember his name yet. With?!?

We order and open some wine that he has brought with him. He apparently loves the food here but also loves that it is BYO as he is quite the wine collector.

He has brought 3 bottles with him including a vintage champagne and two very old French reds. We start with the champagne and it is good. The entree comes and it is average.

When the mains come he opens up the two bottles of red (which he has pre-aerated at home) saying that one would work best with his duck, the other with my fillet mignon.

Then the night started to sour. He swirled the wine, sniffed the wine, then did this disgusting almost gargle of the wine. Then he ate some of his dish, then repeated the swirl, sniff, gargle process again. Ooooooooooookaaaaaaaaaaayyy. I think I’m on a date with a wine wanker.

This continued but he at least dropped the gargle step as the meal progressed. Across the table I felt compelled to do a little swirl and sniff the first time, but the sniff test was not all that pleasant. The taste test was worse. I tried the other red. That was even worse. They both tasted mouldy to me.

Throughout the night the owner lady is at our table a lot. Apparently they are old mates and he often finds her rare French wine. It’s awkward as I don’t know this guy at all and I’d prefer to be getting to know him than hearing from her on the first date.

We get dessert and afterwards the restaurant is emptying. We get the bill and because I’m not too sure I’m interested in him at this stage, plus it was quite a pricey meal and he brought the wine, I offer to go halves. He responded with ‘I’m happy to do whatever makes you comfortable’. Must say that’s one of the weirdest responses I’ve had.

We leave the restaurant and start walking up the street. Outside he seems far more relaxed and we laugh more than we have inside, so I ask him what he wants to do now as its only 10pm. He says he wants to show me his favourite wine bar.

We hail a cab and he does something really weird in that he jumps into the front seat. I get in the back and whilst he engages in a conversation with the taxi driver I curse myself for not bailing and check in with Ms E who is on security detail.

When we get to the wine bar, we are again greeted warmly by the owner. My date orders all this cheese and meat despite the fact we just had dinner and orders us some red. The owner returns to our table for a chat and Mr M who has brought the leftover wine with us (yes, me not finishing a bottle of wine at dinner – unheard of) asks the owner to try the wines and guess what they are. The owner is very charismatic and I enjoyed having him at the table for a while, but the game went on forever and I got bored and drifted from the conversation thinking about what I was going to watch on Netflix when I got home…

Eventually the bar is closing and we walk out to get a cab. Typically there are none to be had at that moment and we have to walk around in the cold and intermittent rain for about 30 mins. When we get one I say I’m happy to drop him off on the way home since it seemed unlikely we’d find 2 cabs.

Again he jumps in the front. Seriously WTF?!? So I sit in the back and check Facebook whilst we are stuck in traffic. The cab is deathly silent.

When we get to his place there is no kiss on the cheek goodbye or anything as logistically he ruined his propsects by getting in the front. So I wave him off and say ‘talk soon’ but I wasn’t sure I meant it.

I was reflecting on the date wondering if he was just trying too hard to impress and that’s why it was an average date when I get a txt from him. I actually quite expected it to be a ‘thanks but I don’t think it will work out between us’ msg, but no it was a lovely thanks and goodnight msg.

The next morning I wake up to a txt from him which was one of the weirdest txts I’ve had the morning after a date. It said that he’d forgotten to tell me last night that his favourite dog is a Labrador too (we had spoken about my childhood dog) and that he would like to have one, maybe two. Then he asked would I want a male or female. Hang on, I think this is all moving a bit too fast for me.

WTF?!? When I told a few of my gf’s about this they mostly responded with ‘what did you say he did for work again?’ When I responded with ‘finance’ most nodded their head like they suddenly understood. Apparently finance guys are well known to lack self awareness in these matters…

Great. My future husband will be clueless ;p

The Night of the Peruvian Cardigan

Sunday afternoon I headed into the city to meet up with two ladies that I met speed dating late last year,  Ms M and Ms A. We had not seen each other since that night, so we grabbed some drinks and got down to catching up on each other’s lives over the past few months.

There was talk of dates, selfies, work, studies, holidays and dance comps. We were deep in conversation as a threesome when this guy approached out of nowhere and said hello. I responded and that may have been my fateful error as he locked onto me and rapid fired conversation at me. In the confusion of this robust conversation Ms M and Ms A assumed that I actually knew the guy and they carried on their conversation to the side.

Fearing that I was losing the group, that I was being separated from the pack like a baby seal being pursued by killer whales, I drew the girls back into the conversation. It seemed at this point that the guy realised that it was about to be game over and clutching at straws he decided to tell us about his cardigan.

Now I had already noticed his cardigan. It was hard not to really. He told us that he was from Peru and it was a traditional Peruvian cardigan.

It was not quite the same as this, but every bit as lame….


What would go through the mind of a single man who is travelling and out to meet some nice Aussie girls when he decided to wear that??! To a bar!

The cardigan was also really fuzzy and I instantly felt itchy looking at him. I give this guy full credit for having the balls to just walk up to girls in a bar and strike up a conversation, but meeting a man who is obviously highly likely to give me an itchy rash…. pass.

Anyhoo, conversation later turned to comparisons of our dating methodologies. I’m a big fan of Tinder as it seems to be where most of the guys hang out. It’s logic really. It’s free, it’s easy to set up and guys get to look at lots of pics of pretty girls with minimal fuss.

Ms M seemed to favour the face to face interaction of speed dating, which I totally understand but I’ve not had a good experience with speed dating since the very first time I went years and years ago. Ms A favoured other sites like RSVP and POF, which I have gone off totally as they don’t seem to attract new talent since Tinder has been on the scene.

I’m also all about efficiency and have a well honed screening process established. I like to chat in the app once or twice, if that’s good, move to txt, then to talk, then if they pass those selection rounds they get through to the final face to face round. I like this process to take about a week tops, certainly no more than two. I’m into momentum, excitement, I’m very impatient! If it’s dragging out too long I get bored and move along. But Ms A is a very busy lady at the moment and can be talking to guys online for up to 2 months. That’s commitment!

I was discussing this with another friend today, also Ms A, as to who is doing it right. We are all single, so none of us have cracked it. I couldn’t help but think of this ecard during this discussion….IMG_2857

But Ms A said that out of all her friends who are single, I am the most active getting out on dates and the most focused on dating. Yay #winning! Ok no, my competitive streak aside, I challenged her as to if that really matters? It can feel like a quantity over quality proposition sometimes.

Perhaps it is just a numbers game though. You can’t win the lottery if you don’t buy a ticket….

I’ve been too busy for dating, but….

I decided to put a pause on my online dating activities mid-Jan as I had discovered that my final term at uni was going to take a lot of my time for the next few months. I’m almost at the end now though, just a week and a half to go, and it’s completely killing me! So much to do, so little time….

But, sometimes opportunities arise that you’ve just got to seize. Like that dinner club invitation I had a few weeks ago (major disappointment though…) and last week it was a reminder email that my stamps were about to expire on RSVP. I bought them when I met that guy that had the surprise gappy teeth and who did that awkward hand holding move on our date. Our one and only date…

So I wasn’t feeling too hopeful about using these stamps up, particularly as most of the men on there I’ve already rejected, or chatted briefly to before they appeared to be idiots, or dated and they were definitely idiots!

But I logged on and had a look around and given that I had a 3 day deadline to use the 5 stamps I had bought, plus a free birthday stamp they threw at me, I attacked this problem Oprah style. Yes, you get a kiss, and you get a kiss, everyone gets a kiss!

For those unfamiliar with how RSVP works (or doesn’t work for that matter…), the process is that you send a free kiss of predetermined text to someone you’re interested in, they can then respond with a free kiss to let you know if they are interested or not. Then it’s usually up to the originating kisser to cough up some bucks to send an email message.

I’ve always liked to be the emailer as so often I tire of the guys after one or two emails and if I’ve paid for the stamp, I don’t feel so bad when I give up on them and block them. If they’ve paid, I feel like a real nasty bitch.

So I sent some kisses out and waited for the replies. On 3 occasions the guys went straight to email from my original kiss, which is nice that they are keen, but it kind of annoyed me as it wasn’t helping me burn my stamp credits and they have all turned out to be rather dull.

I got down to two last stamps before they expired, so I’ve got communication open with a few guys. Two are only 30 and I turned 34 last week (eeeek, how did that happen so fast?!?), so I think they may be a bit ‘junior’ for me. Another is just a disappointment. His profile was very non-specific about his work, it just mentioned that he had lots of ‘goals and dreams’, but he had dreamy blue eyes and I’m a bit partial to those, so I took a chance. In his first email to me he mentioned that he didn’t have to work this weekend which he said was ‘unusual and nice’. Alarm bells! So I asked what he did for work and the response was that he works at a Liquorland. Yep, doing customer service. Dreamy blue eyes do not cut it when you are a 34 yr old checkout dude in my opinion. Yes, I probably sound like a heinous bitch. But whatevs….

The other guy has also caused alarm bells, but for a different reason. Years ago I saw a film called Sliver with Billy Baldwin and Sharon Stone. It’s a very cool, sexy thriller type movie. I give it 5 stars. Check it out.

But this particular movie has affected me ever since I first saw it. Billy Baldwin owns/caretaker a high rise apartment block which he has loaded up with secret cameras in the apartments and he watches the residents shower, eat, have sex etc.

I’ve had a weird paranoia about people watching me via secret camera in hotels in particular ever since. Yes, because I’m that narcissistic that I think I’m interesting enough for people to want to watch me…

But in recent years I’ve dated a few people that I feel exhibited stalker behaviour and who were in a great position to do so. From the guy in national security who seemed to always message me as soon as I turned off my alarm on my phone each morning, at various times each day and often as soon as I got home from work, again at various times each day too. Then the neighbour detective that would constantly casually knock on my door seconds after I got home, even if I purposely tip-toed past his door and concentrated on opening my own door with barely a sound. He would also mysteriously turn up at my courtyard fence popping his head over like Wilson in that Tim Allen show from the 90’s, Home Improvement. Sometimes with his gun. However being gigantically tall at 6’6″ you of course saw most of him!

The last security threat from RSVP is a professional hacker. Apparently he gets paid by major companies to stress test their security. Alarm bells! I had not long finished watching the ep of Catfish where a girl had been talking to a guy that was watching her through her webcam without her knowledge, so I immediately felt like placing some duct tape over my own webcam whilst typing to him just to be on the safe side…

He asked me a few standard questions about myself, like where do I live, what do I do for work and what do I like doing for fun. I joking replied that he could probably already work those things out with his skill set, but he tactfully said he’d prefer if I told him.

His profile had only one pic on it and it was a pic which was not displaying any teeth. I was already once bitten, twice shy about that from RSVP after gappy teeth, so I attempted to tactfully ask to see more pics so I could determine if ‘he was a psycho or not’ claiming that I can usually tell with multiple pics. He replied saying he could email me some, so I gave him my generic email address that gives no clues about me away.

He sent a pic. It again had no teeth. I then decided to just come out with it and said I wanted to see a pic of his teeth! I don’t have time to mess around with surprise deal breakers, so I’d prefer to know about the teeth situation up front. Yes, I know that supports the view that I may be a heinous bitch, but hey, teeth are my thing!

I actually had dinner a few weeks ago with some friends who were telling me about an ep of the Australian version of Dating in the Dark that they had recently watched. They told me that a girl had met this guy that had all the qualities she wanted (hot bod, personal trainer, they got along really well in the dark) but when she got to see him, she saw he had red hair and freckles and she was out. I told my friends that I understood her saying no. They were outraged and queried if I would do the same thing if I met someone who seemed like my absolute unicorn in the dark. Bad teeth would definitely be my out clause in that situation. I could probably work with the red hair….if it wasn’t all over his body.

Funny smile orangutan monkey portrait

So although the hacker said it was the weirdest thing he’d ever been asked to do on the internet (doubt it…) he sent me a teeth pic and they all checked out. After a few more emails he was keen to meet up this weekend. I got stuck at uni all day Saturday so I called him on the way home that afternoon just for a chat to suss out if I would be keen to meet him or not. They always need to pass the chat test!

When I called him I was quite surprised that he had a strong South African accent. He hadn’t mentioned that before, but he has been in Australia for about 5 years. He also sounded quite jittery and I’m not sure if it was a nervous giggle, but his laugh is horrible. Like cringe worthy bad. Now I love people that make me laugh and I also love making others laugh a lot, so this may be a deal breaker. My Top 17 criteria may be getting a new addition.

We spoke for about 20 mins whilst I drove home and I used the ‘busy with uni’ card to buy me some more time to get out of this situation. I’m pretty sure I’m not keen, but you never know I guess…

The Awkward One

Lovers at Sunset

Last night I had a very bad date. It was awkward, he was awkward, the whole thing was just wrong.

I hadn’t used RSVP for a while as it was always the same old guys on there and most of them I could talk to on Tinder for free anyway. But a few days ago I logged on and saw some new blood that I decided to contact. I started chatting to this Kiwi guy, 41, 6 foot, had a rugged and manly look to him, divorced but no kids and worked in finance.

We chatted on the phone earlier this week and he sounded fun. We decided to meet up and he said he’d think about where we should go and let me know. Nice, I like it when they plan! We were off to a good start….

The next morning he sends me a txt about 8:30am with his suggestion to meet at a bar at 6:30pm the next night down in the Rocks. I read it, but it was the morning after the awful siege in Sydney so when I arrived at work there was a lot of discussion about that and I got distracted and just forgot to reply to him. At 10:30am he sent another messaging saying ‘not sure if you got my earlier message or not…’ and then he reiterated his suggestion of where to meet.

TWO hours had passed. TWO!!!! Alarm bell 1. I replied giving him a little smack for that by saying ‘yes, but I’ve been busy…’ and told him the venue was good, but let’s make it 7pm. He replied and said ‘yes, 7pm works better for me anyway’. Ok, why did you suggest 6:30pm then?!

Later that day I sent him a message, mostly as I felt a little bad about the morning exchange. He replied an hour later and apologised for the delay in responding. I think we have a clingy one here….

Then on the day of the date I get a txt from him saying ‘looking forward to our date tonight?’ YES it was a question. Who does that? You can tell me that you are looking forward to the date, but do you really need me to stroke your ego by asking if I’m looking forward to meeting you?

When I get to the bar I immediately notice that he is short. Admittedly I’m wearing heels, but he is definitely not 6 foot. I think 5’11” at best. They always add an extra inch….

He says hello and smiles at me and oh fuck, he has a great big gap between his teeth. Now, you all must know how much that would thrill me with ‘nice teeth’ being in my Top 5 criteria. How did I miss this?!? Did his pics not have his teeth showing? Why wasn’t I prepared for this? I’ve really let my dating game slip lately…

That bar was too busy, so we walked to another around the corner and there was one free table so he suggested I grab it and he’d get us some drinks. I said I’d have a NZ Sav Blanc and I went to sit down, keeping an eye on him so he didn’t roofie my drink of course. When he returns, he’s got two glasses of red and says ‘you said Shiraz didn’t you?’ looking all hopeful. No. How did you fuck that up man?!

I thought to myself oh whatever, if you finish this drink quick you can be back and in the car before the all night rate at the car park kicks in. We sit and chat awkwardly and I can’t help but notice a lot of attractive tall men at the bar that I would rather be talking to. At one point a guy that must have been 7 foot walks in and catches my eye and I even said to my date ‘geeze that guy is tall’. That was probably a little mean…

As we chat I can’t stop looking at his teeth, but also his hands. He has really stumpy fingers. They don’t seem to match his body at all. I wonder why…..oh ok, I’m back in the room. He’s asked me something and is looking at me awaiting my answer. Ooopps….

The conversation moves on to cars and I tell him that I’ve been looking at new cars lately and what they all were. He tells me he doesn’t care much for spending money on new cars, that they are a complete waste of money, a depreciating asset blah blah. This is an irreconcilable difference! I love nice cars and the rational side of me knows that they are money pits, but I enjoy them so it’s worth the cash. We clearly have no relationship potential at all!

The conversation improves a bit after that and when he finishes his wine he asks if I’d like to get some food. I have no idea why, but I say sure and he goes let’s head off to get some at the Opera Bar. Oh crap, that’s like a 5 min walk from here and we are getting further and further away from my car…

As we walk around the harbour towards the Opera House we are chatting about really non-interesting things when he grabs my hand and holds it. WTF? There has been no signs that this is on the cards. There were no flirty eyes, no cheeky banter, nothing! I know it sounds awful, but I immediately look at the people at the outdoor seating of the restaurants along the water and think ‘crap, do I know anyone in there?’

He must sense my discomfort and immediately says ‘I hope that’s ok’. I reply ‘no’ and pull my hand away and then add ‘it’s a bit too early’. We then walk on in uncomfortable silence whilst I sing Bon Jovi’s ‘shot down in a blaze of glory’ in my head.

We get to the bar and I’m so regretting not abandoning the sinking ship after the wine. We order, I try to go halves as I know I’m never going to see this guy again, but he won’t let me pay at all. I suggest going to the bar to get us drinks, but he says no he’ll get them and when I insist he says he doesn’t know what he wants. We go to the bar together and order and I pretty much force the bar lady to take my cash as he is still trying to pay.

He finds us a nice table with some comfy chairs looking straight at the harbour bridge and it would have been lovely had I been with someone I liked! The food takes forever to arrive and when it does it is terrible. When we are talking he is an Interrupter, otherwise we are sitting there in silence.

It turns 9pm and I tell him that I must be off as the car park will close soon and I won’t be able to get my car out. We head off and I am so disinterested in him that I decide to pull a pair of flats out of my bag and change out of my heels as I’m worried I’m getting a blister and he isn’t worth the pain! I even do it in a really non-classy way on the side of the path in front of him.

We get to the car park entry, I kiss him on the cheek and head off. I get a txt soon after from him asking if I’d like to see him again. It’s been minutes since I was last seeing him!

I didn’t reply last night and intended to send the thanks but no thanks message this morning but again I forgot about this poor bugger. I got a message at lunchtime from him asking if I was ok. Oh dear….

My Very First Mile High Experience…with 12 guys

Love is in the Air inthe shape of a cloud

Last year in the lead up to Valentine’s Day I was busily dating after things with the Detective had started to veer off track, but hadn’t yet completely crashed and burned. I was on RSVP one day and saw them promoting a competition to be a part of the first ever in air speed dating experience.

It seemed unlikely that I would be dating anyone by Valentine’s Day, so I thought why not?! The day would involve a dozen guys and a dozen girls from RSVP flying to the Gold Coast for lunch with many speed dates included along the way. It sounded like it would be a fun day at the very least.

I applied, got selected, took the day off work and turned up at the airport bright and early to meet my potential suitors….and my competition. Unfortunately neither of these groups were very impressive. From memory, the age group was meant to be 25-40, but there was one guy wearing a very loud Hawaiian shirt who looked like he was mid 50’s… least.

The day started with 2 dates over breakfast at the Qantas club lounge (watched by a stack of media), then a date on the plane for the hour or so flight up to the Gold Coast, a date on the coach driving us to lunch, some mingling with champagne before lunch, another few dates at lunch, another on the bus back to the airport, then finally another on the flight home.

As it is nearing almost 2 years since this day, I can now only really remember the two dates that I had on the flights which were the longest dates, fortunately and unfortunately.

On the way up, I had the pleasure of the company of the only decent male prospect in the group. From early on in the day he was referred to as Simon Baker. For obvious reasons….

Processed with MoldivHe was funny, smart, tall, ambitious, cheeky, charismatic and one of those people that you meet and you just think ‘why the hell are you single?!?’.  I had noticed him on RSVP whilst perusing the site prior to the event, but I had assumed that he would be a total wanker as he had all these black and white professional photos on his profile in which he was ridiculously good looking.

Every girl in the group was busting a gut to talk to him and many joked that they thought he was a professional model or actor planted by RSVP to make the day more interesting. If he was, I thank you RSVP as otherwise the day would have been very dull!

On the flight home I had the displeasure of being allocated to date the old Hawaiian shirt dude. I was over the whole thing by this point, but he was in the mood to chat. I played along for about 15 minutes and then faked falling asleep to escape the conversation about his 19 year old daughter and his 2 ex-wives.

All in all, it wasn’t my best Valentine’s day, but also not the worst (maybe I’ll tell that story one day). Apparently it was the worst Valentine’s day for one of the journalists that covered the event though…

Article: Dates on a plane? Find the emergency exit…

The search is over!!!


Yes the search has ended – but it is incomplete.

I haven’t posted for a couple of weeks again as I have had no luck finding anyone interesting enough to go on a date with. Over lunch early last week I was complaining about this to Ms A, but by the end of the week I was actually feeling more positive.

All of a sudden it was like there was a flood of new talent on Tinder! I was swiping right and getting matches left, right and centre. I had started talking to a guy who was rocking a pretty sexy beard. Now, I’ve always been attracted to the real ‘manly’ type and have never had a real objection to facial hair, but lately it’s been a strong attraction towards it. As long as it’s not the hipster type beard accompanied with skinny jeans…

Anyway, I had met a sexy bearded and slightly younger man, but alas he was also slightly shorter. Then yesterday I started talking to another bearded man, slightly older. We launched straight into quite intellectually stimulating conversation and had a lot of back and forth of messaging over the course of the day. He seemed funny (tick), smart (tick), has his shit together (tick).

Later that evening about 10pm I was watching a movie and he sends me a message. We keep chatting for the next 2 hours and cover a lot of ground. He seems kinda awesome and it seems to be going well so far, so I start thinking I might be meeting this guy soon.

We say goodnight and exchange the standard pleasantries about it being nice talking to each other. This morning I’m awake early and what so often happens, I waste about 30 mins fluffing about looking at stuff on my phone, including checking Tinder. Nothing new really. I’m on Facebook when I see an alert come through that the bearded man has sent me a message.

I finish reading what I was looking at and pop back into Tinder. There is no message there now. He is not there anymore. He has flipping unmatched me after sending who knows what in the message because he unmatched me and that takes all the messages away.

So one can only wonder what that message said now. Was it that he had a terminal illness and that today is his last day to live and he wanted to spare me the pain and grief of his death? Was it that he had a wife and 16 children at home and he was just on Tinder testing if he was still ‘hot or not’? Was it that he had no penis, actually no human genitals at all and when he takes off his pants he is often mistaken for Barbie?

My bet is the last one. It seems the most plausible.

I was at a kids party on Saturday complaining to Ms C about the lack of talent out there and how frustrating the man hunt is. She told me what I’m so often told, that it will happen when I least expect it. I’m always told too that when I stop looking for it, it will turn up.

So I’m going to stop looking. I’m deleting Tinder, POF, RSVP and eHarmony from my phone tonight. I’m out!

Come and get me fate!!!!

The Upgrade Factor


A few weekends ago a very interesting article appeared in the Good Weekend liftout of the Sydney Morning Herald newspaper about Australia’s Most Wanted online daters. I’m not sure why they struggled to get in contact with me for the story…

They interviewed people who were ranked as the most desirable profiles on various dating sites. The top female profile on RSVP belongs to a 30 yr old attractive solicitor from Sydney who completely nails what I have long suspected is the problem with online dating – the upgrade factor!She talks about how you go through profiles and analyse them against each other and that ‘everyone thinks there is something better around the corner.’

I completely agree with this comment and I feel that the upgrade factor likely explains the bad dating behaviour of late from the likes of the one with the little sausage and dodgy Damo.

But I will admit that I have done it myself. Oh he seems ok, but he lives in a share house. Oh he seems alright, but he has a cat. Oh he seems perfect, but his front left tooth is not quite exactly perpendicular to his gum line….

There is a man drought in Australia at the moment, particularly in Sydney (it’s statistically proven) which means men can be very picky as they are swimming in a big sea of women in their 30’s on the hunt for love (AKA me!).

Unfortunately for me though, the man sea is full of the type of fish that John West rejects.

Picture Source: Most Wanted, Sydney Morning Herald. Go read the article!

The Yellow Wallet was a Sign

I knew I was onto something with that yellow wallet. That guy has gone AWOL.

Our date was last Thursday night, I txt’d him the night of the date to thank him for paying, then heard nothing from him Friday. On Saturday whilst a bit bored at uni, I txt’d  him just to say hello and keep the communication open. He replied straight away, we sent a few txts back and forth, but it was nothing particularly interesting.

Then I decided that I had done my part and that I wasn’t going to txt him again. If he wanted to keep in touch, he could txt me.

And he hasn’t. Oh well!!

Yellow Wallet – Thoughts?


I forgot to mention something about my date! When he got out his wallet to pay, I noticed it was yellow, very similar to this one.

When debriefing on the date with Ms A yesterday, I said ‘oh and his wallet was a bit strange…’ when she interrupts ‘oh no, did it have velcro?’ in a shocked voice.

Fortunately it wasn’t a corduroy Rip Curl wallet from the 90’s, but I’m not sure how I feel about a yellow wallet. Apparently it’s a lucky feng shui colour that can bring wealth…


Picture Source: Bob & Friends