Ghosts of Dating Past

Couple in love, silhouette, hands, fingers

The world is definitely too small when you keep running into people that you have already dated and never really want to see again.

Yesterday I left work a little bit earlier than usual to head off to a uni class. As I was walking up the street I see a familiar face out of the corner of my eye. Standing out the front of the film school is the Neurotic Script Writer. I had been looking at my phone, so I look down again and aim to appear engrossed in it as I pass him so I can avoid an awkward conversation.

That plan didn’t work. When I get a few steps away from him, I hear his English accent say “Well, hello there <insert real name>”. Why does he not know the socially appropriate thing to do when you see someone that you dated and it ended poorly is to ignore them?!?!

I feign surprise to see him, and say “Hi, how are you going?” I actually can’t recall his name now, but I do notice that he has slimmed down quite a bit since we met earlier this year. He says he is doing well and has got a few things in his life sorted out (which I assume is to do with his ex as he had been separated for a while, but not finalised the separation in terms of house, cars, custody of their child etc) so he is in a good place.

I tell him that it is great that he is doing well these days, thinking that would put an end to our catch up conversation. But he seems in the mood to chat. He tells me that I’m looking well too (well who wouldn’t want to hear that) and then apologises for being a “right dick” when we met.

I tell him that “it’s all good, don’t worry about it” and I try to make my exit, but he jumps in and says that he is “more normal” these days and that he’d love to have a drink with me again to “prove it”.

Thank you, but no.

I use the trusty “thank you, but I’m actually seeing someone at the moment” excuse to politely decline his offer and head off.

Then tonight I’m out on a walk in my local neighbourhood whilst talking on the phone. I walk past a strip of restaurants and although distracted by conversation, I notice a nice black BMW parked on the road. A nice black BMW that is familiar to me. That I’ve been in. Yup, it was Damo’s. There is no one in the car, so I am hopeful I am in the clear…..until he steps out of a shop and almost smacks right into to me.

As I’m on the phone I can’t stop to chat (how sad), so I give him a little nod. He responds with a little sarcastic wave and smile and I motor past. Douche…

In other news, I met this guy on Tinder weeks ago now and we exchanged numbers with the intention of catching up for a coffee soon, but he became ill and has been sending the occasional text to keep me updated but we hadn’t ever spoken. He at first had a cold, then he thought it was the flu, then a virus, then pneumonia. I wasn’t too invested in him and kinda felt like a bit of a bitch that I wasn’t checking in with him, but I half wondered if he was for real or just playing me.

This afternoon he messages and says that he is finally starting to feel a bit better and asked if I wanted to chat. I thought I’d see if this guy was for real, or perhaps just a chick called Olga… It turns out he is real and by the sound of his frequent coughing fits, he has actually been really sick. What a bitch!

Update: I actually forgot about another ghost that made an appearance today. When I got home from work and was driving into the car park, the Detective was attempting to exit but taking his sweet ass time to do it. I didn’t see him and thought it was clear to drive in (its a bit of a blind spot) so then he had to wait for me. Good! So it things happen in three’s, I’m done with the ghosts for now!

Instant Dismissal

Online dating has been particularly tedious in the past week. Lots of looking, but at nothing interesting. There has just been a constant stream of undesirable profile characteristics that lead to instant dismissal. Such as:

Guys over 45

Guys under 30 (especially the 15 yr old Tinder gave me tonight – will I get arrested for that??)

Holden shirt wearers

Ford shirt wearers

Actually any motor shirts, alcohol shirts, football shirts…..

Guys that appear in all 6 pics wearing G-Star RAW shirts (are you being sponsored??)

Bathroom mirror shots (especially with the toilet lid up, yes lid, not just seat, animals!)

Pics of guys smoking and thinking that they look dead sexy doing it (thank you for revealing your filthy habit upfront)

Pics eating a mandarin (thank you for revealing your filthy hab…ok this has never happened, but I am petitioning for one’s stance on this to be part of the standard questionnaire on dating sites)

Earring wearers (hey you over there, the East 17 look-a-like, alllllright, allllright, everythinks gunna be alllright)

Double denim

Cat owners

Bird owners

Small human owners

Lazy eyes (look at moi Kimmy, look at moi….)

Missing tooth

Silver tooth

Black tooth

Only one tooth

Gold chains

Wife beater singlets

DJ pic (scratch, scratch, I’ve got an iPhone playlist and I’m rocking it in da house tonight for shiz!)

Gym mirror pic

Urinal mirror pic (especially you Todd Carney)

Lives in a dodge sounding suburb. Eg Raby, Airds, Shalvy, Mount Druitt, Rooty Hill (it’s not as fun as it may sound….)

No car

No licence

No job

No personality

No idea how to wear shorts…..what is a male camel toe called?!?!



Festive Rejections

Although based on past experience I have an inkling that my future husband is not on RSVP, I decided to give it another crack on the weekend. So far I’ve sent a few guys a kiss and I have got a couple of rejections back; a few guys haven’t replied, perhaps waiting for a better offer; and I am talking to one guy that after one email seems so far reasonably normal.

At 32, I’m ideally looking for a man that is about 31 to 45. That is quite a big age range, but based on people I have met in my personal and professional life, age really is just a number. I know men that are 35 year old manchilds, but also 45 year old men that are very young spirited.

But for some reason, 25 year old men seem to like to send me kisses on RSVP. I kind of picture them sending kisses out on rapid fire to play the odds game that maybe they will eventually get a hit.

I am a courteous online dater and always respond promptly either way if I am interested or not and I have just noticed that RSVP has got into the festive spirit this month! Their latest rejection option is ‘I don’t want to take things further right now but hope you have a Merry Christmas!’

Hmmm yes, I won’t be using that one. It might as well say ‘No, what were you thinking?! Merry Kiss My Ass’.