The Reason Why I’m Single

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This is a question I have pondered often. Am I too pretty? Am I too smart? Am I too ridiculously hilarious? Am I too perfect, you know in that annoying too good to be true kinda way…

Perhaps I’m too modest?

A reader suggested why recently….FullSizeRender

Well that was a strange suggestion as I don’t even like horse riding?!?

Anyhoo, my search continued and I think I have found it! It’s my neighbours. No, not that douchebag detective that still haunts my hallway. Neighbours. As in the really, really, really good TV show, Neighbours.

Stop sniggering. It IS good. Last week I had a stupidly busy week at work and didn’t leave the office until really late each night. When I finally got home on Friday night, tired, cranky and stinging for a wine, I realised that I hadn’t had time to watch Neighbours any day that week. That’s right folks, I had 2.5 hours of Neighbours delight ahead of me. What more could a single gal ask for on a Friday night? If only I had 18 cats to share such a magical night with…

And maybe I soon will. An Elite Singles survey recently revealed that singles think that Neighbours is the least attractive TV show that a future partner may like to watch. Say what?! Shut the front door.

And that 67% of singles think that liking the right TV shows can make someone appear more interesting. Now that, that I can agree with. Like Kardashians. If I could just find a man who (would admit to) Keeping Up With the Kardashians, I would be all #soulmate.

The study perhaps also revealed another reason as to why I’m single. The top 3 most attractive shows were:

  1. The Big Bang Theory – favoured by geeks and freaks
  2. Game of Thrones – closet sexual deviants ;p
  3. Criminal Minds – homicidal maniacs in training

Yep, ain’t nobody got time for that….

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I Don’t Date Neighbours….Anymore

Its All About Location Destination Best Area Spot Place

I think I was almost picked up in the lift at home yesterday. It was really very strange and unexpected!

I was heading out to the car wash and waiting for the lift to take me down to the garage when two guys walked into the building, shirtless and wearing boardies with towels wrapped around their necks. I assumed they had been at the pool (I know, I’m a freakin’ genius….) so I said hi and asked them how the pool was.

They replied that it was full of kids and balls (the bouncing kind, not the old man wearing boardies that are too short kind…) and one of them hit the ‘up’ button for the lift to head to their apartment. When the lift came it was going down first, so I walked in but realised one of the guys was following me. I told him that it was heading down and he replied, “yeh I’ll ride with you” and said “see ya soon” to his mate who was still waiting in the hallway.

The trip being just one level down was short, but he managed to ask where I was off to and told me with a cheeky grin that I was wasting my time getting the car washed as it was going to rain. Then as the doors opened and I was about to get out of the lift, he says that they are having a BBQ that night and if I am free I should join them.

Ohhhhhh…..ummmmm…..thanks for the random invitation neighbourino! I told him I already had plans unfortunately and that I’d see him around and went off on my merry way.

In hindsight, that was actually probably less weird that the neighbour BBQ invitation that I did go to from the Detective. All the contact that I’d had with him before I went to his do was based on a paper invite slid under my door one day. BUT I did know he was a Detective from the real estate agent AND that he was mega tall BUT also that he looked a little like Mr Bean….which when I liked him I put to the back of my mind, but now if I ever think of him I do picture the actual Mr Bean…AND also my psychic had told me that I’d meet a guy in law enforcement, so I HAD to go to that party.

Psychic didn’t say shit about meeting a dude in a lift, so alas it was never going to work out between me and the lift guy. Obviously!

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Psychic Says

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I generally consider myself a rational and intelligent woman. There are two things that tend to disprove this theory:

1. I love watching Neighbours – yes I am the only one in Australia still doing so.

2. I willingly hand over $160 once a year to a woman with a black cat and a crystal ball.

Three years ago I was referred to a ‘clairvoiant’ by a friend from work. I was lured by her review that the psychic had told her things about her family that she could not have possibly guessed. So myself and two other girlfriends booked in and headed off one Saturday for our readings.

The reading is done at her house at a little table near a window. We are all in there for an hour each, in which time our palms are read, we hold the crystal ball to impart our ‘energy’ and finally tarot cards are read. The psychic asks only our first name and date of birth, but not the year.

Each of the three times that I have been, she always starts with reading my palm and seems to think that I must already be married according to my ‘marriage’ line. Each time I reluctantly say no as I do not want to lead my reading if she is fishing for info like ‘the Mentalist’, but considering I am mostly seeing her to find out when my future husband is going to make an appearance, I feel I have to throw her a bone.

Whilst reading my palms on my first visit, the pyschic said they were giving off my own psychic energy and pointed out the purple glow. I looked down at my hands and they were indeed a blueish tone. But I was not cold and as the psychic was looking down at the lines on my palm with a magnifying glass, I looked around the room searching for where this mysterious blue light was coming from, but I couldn’t see anything suspicious.

My reading progressed with insights into my personality which definitely rang true, but I didn’t get anything too specific about my future out of that reading. She did tell me that she saw a man in law enforcement coming my way and that I would practically fall over him, I wouldn’t need to go searching for him, but nothing else that was too interesting. At the following reading which was in early October last year, I got much of the same info again. However, by mid October I had met that law enforcement guy.

A detective moved in one door down the hall in my apartment building and despite my reservations about that being a little too close for comfort, we got involved and it ended in a spectacular fashion. It’s now just a wee bit awkward that I might run into him in the hallway – with his girlfriend who has since moved in and their new baby who was born about 7 months after I stopped seeing him. I think the baby might be mine….

Anyway, on the last visit to the psychic this year, she said she was glad it didn’t work out with that detective as he was incapable of being faithful. Could she have not told me (or his baby mama) that before?!?! She also described another guy who I was dating after the detective who I really liked and thought I could actually get serious with, but alas he ended up moving away for a new job. Again, where was that warning?!?

However my most recent prediction is far more specific. We are now on the hunt for a man of Irish descent, called Lachlan with a surname something like Flanagan, Finnagin, Flarrity or O’Brien.

Last month I attended an industry event and met a Flanagan. My heart skipped a beat when he introduced himself. Could it be true?!?! Could this be my future husband? Turns out probably not. I think he may have been gay. Well, that must be the reason why he hasn’t asked me out. Right? Right?!?!

So let’s keep our eyes peeled for this Lachlan guy everyone, eyes peeled!!

If the psychic said it, it must be true….