New Pyschic Says

Black and white portrait of fortune-teller

Early March I went to a psychic event with some girlfriends. It was total rubbish, but I did get something out of it which was a referral to a new psychic.

A woman on our table at the event sounded a bit batty, but she told us about a psychic she had been seeing for years that sounded very much like the one I have been seeing for a few years now – but much cheaper!

When I got back from my holiday I decided to give her a call and book in. She sounds quite old and sweet, so she must be legit right?! I head over to her house and find that she lives in a nice place on the water. Hmmm this psychic gig must pay alright….

I’m a little early and whilst waiting in the car down the road from her house, l all of a sudden get more nervous about this than a Tinder date. So I message Ms E for a security check like I do on first dates so someone at least has my last known whereabouts if I go missing.

When I knock at the door I’m greeted by quite a frail looking elderly lady. I’m pretty sure I could take her if she tries to bash me and steal all my money!

She invites me in and asks me to take a seat at her dining table and offers me a coffee. We sit down and chit chat about her house and the weather before getting down to business. She gives me a deck of well worn tarot cards and asks me to shuffle them and cut the deck into 3 piles.

For the next 30 minutes we repeat the cycle of shuffle, cut and reading about 6 times with her telling me what is in store for me.

Now, the rational and logical side of me always likes to evaluate these readings as a cynic. The curious and creative side of me thinks there has been enough revealed by some of these psychics in the past that could not possibly be guessed, so maybe there is something to all of this.

Further conflict arose between the rational and curious side when the reading from the new psychic was very, very similar to the reading by my other psychic. So they are either both working to the same psychic fraudster playbook, or I got a second opinion from a qualified source of truth ;p

There are some basics that I think could certainly be guesses by these psychics. For example, each of them start the reading saying that they think I’ve already met my future husband, if not he is imminent.

Rational SSIS thinks this is something a psychic could guess with reasonable confidence that a woman that looks like she is in her 30’s without a ring on her ringer probably wants to hear this right?

Both say that this man is my soulmate and we will marry soon and be together forever. Well, it feels unlikely that they would want to say ‘you will meet your husband and he will be ok for a couple of years, but then bang your best friend’….

Both also say that I’ll have two kids (how unusual) in the next few years and that they will be very close in age. Hmmm well based on biology of a woman in her 30’s that is probably a safe bet!

Both have said that I will always have money, I’ll do ok. So I can keep coming and paying a psychic right?!

Both say that my future husband is in finance or real estate or something involving lots of contracts. Oh and he is tall and attractive. Well that’s surprising that a tall women would end up with a tall man isn’t it….

Both said I’d be taking a holiday with a group of people in the next year, including my future husband. Both mentioned Japan, but that seems to be the holiday destination of choice of late as a number of friends and dates have said they are going there early next year.

Hmmm I think I’ve convinced myself that rational SSIS should win out on this debate now!

But new psychic also told me that I had recently been through a period of stress and that I am about to embark on a period of change. Hmmm people who go to a psychic aren’t usually hoping for change are they?!? No…..

She also told me that I’m my Father’s favourite. Of course. Sorry bro. Also that my brother will get a speeding fine soon. Crap, I forgot to warn him about that!

New psychic also told me that I need to get a red candle and burn it completely and when it’s done, that is when my future husband will be on the scene. Now I love the colour red and have had many a red candle burning in my living room, but when it gets towards the end, there is too much wax and the flame burns low so I just throw it out and start a new candle.

CLEARLY I have been sabotaging my efforts to find a man. If only I knew that my candle burning habits were hindering the search!

Curious & creative SSIS has completely embraced this advice.

Burn red candle. Burn, baby, burn!

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The One That Was Not Quite Refined Enough

Portrait of smiling worker in a reflective vest

After returning from my fabulous holiday I was keen to spice up my everyday life by getting stuck back into dating. I fired up the Tinder machine and worked on lining up some dates for last week.

Mr M’s profile on Tinder showed a man that was very much my type. Tall, blokey, good teeth…..except the last picture looked like he was wearing a shirt of the fluro orange variety. It was hard to tell.

But he passed the Tinder chat round, then the txt round, the phone chat round and so we lined up a date at a wine bar for one night after work. I recognised him immediately when I got to the bar (yay), we grabbed some drinks and found a table in a quiet corner of the noisy bar.

I had been the one to pick the bar after he said that I should ‘name a place and he’ll be there, anywhere’. I always prefer the guy to decide on the first date venue. Take the lead, show some initiative man! Turns out it probably would have been wise for him to have picked as the sexy dimly lit wine bar that I had picked probably wasn’t the best option to go to with a man who doesn’t really drink wine….

He was quite good looking though and had a cheeky smile. Conversation flowed easily and we laughed a lot, but there were various points along the way where I saw a few flashes of bogan come out. Now don’t get me wrong, I have flashes of bogan too apparently, but I think I hide them well until at least date 3 haha.

Over the next few hours we had a few more drinks and some dinner and then went for a drive to drop some keys off to one of his friends and to get some gelato. I wouldn’t usually jump in a car with a guy on the first date, but he seemed like a nice guy and I had my security check in place as always with Ms E remotely monitoring my movements for safety purposes!

Anyhoo, his car was some big work monstrosity. Not my style at all! It felt like we were in a truck. Hmmmm I guess that shouldn’t matter though…

Whilst we are driving his mate calls and he answers it on speaker. The mate goes ‘Hey man, how’d the date go hey, hey?’ to which I reply ‘it’s still going’. It was quite lucky that he asked that in a polite way! But listening to my date talk to his mate, he was turning more bogan by the second.

Then when we get to the gelato place Mr M mentions that he doesn’t really like gelato (ummm WTF?!?!) and decides not to get anything. Hmmmm why the hell did we go get gelato then?!? Yes, I know. We complain when men don’t do sweet lovely things for us, then we complain when they do….

He dropped me back to my car after the gelato and I gave him a kiss on the cheek and told him I’d had a nice time and that we should do it again soon.

He had sent me a txt by the time I got home thanking me for a fun night and suggested that we talk soon.

It was a good night, I enjoyed his company and I would be happy to see him again, but I won’t put any effort in to actively pursue him.

I doubt he is my future husband, or my mr right now, but he was definitely a fun date. I can’t complain about that!

The List – the Top 16

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On the last day of work last year I was driving home with Ms A and we were discussing my dates over the previous few months, the different qualities that each of them had and why they weren’t my future husband.

Ms A attempted to check the guys off against the Top 5 list of criteria that I was asked to specify when I signed up to the Executive Matchmaker, but it had been a while since then and it was stretching my memory to remember what was in the Top 5. I started rattling off things and realised by the 8th item that I could keep going for quite a while.

The original Top 5 was:

1. Intelligent

2. Funny

3. Tall

4. Nice teeth

5. No kids

Which are certainly right up there in priority of what I’m looking for, but seeing the whole Executive Matchmaker thing was rubbish and they clearly didn’t know shit, I’ve revisited the list without the constraint of a 5 item cap and I’ve determined that I need a Top 16.

1. Tall – 6ft plus

2. Funny

3. Intelligent

4. Successful

5. Ambitious / motivated in life

6. Has shit together

7. Would fit in with family AND friends (it’s often been one or the other…or neither)

8. No kids

9. Wants kids at some point

10. 33-42ish (although I previously thought up to 45, that IVF Single Women Sperm Donor session that I went to revealed that a man’s sperm quality erodes significantly from 43, with a higher chance of birth defects etc, so unless he’s got some frozen somewhere to add to my likely frozen eggs by that stage in a few years time…which is totes awks to ask on a first date…it’s probably not going to work)

11. A ‘manly’ man

12. Nice teeth

13. A bit of a foodie

14. Definitely not a vegetarian – pizza with 5 different types of meat on it drives me wild

15. Not a non-drinker – wine is one of my favourite pastimes

16. Non-smoker

I also would like to put ’17. In to cars’ on the list but really, I could probably concede on that fact. If I had to…

At least that gives me the criteria to know for sure when I’ve found my Unicorn – the one that meets the whole Top 17!

You Had Me at Beard

Beard Cropped

I am now into the final term of my MBA which means by the end of March I will NEVER have uni again. There are just a mere 9 weeks between now and me having a social life again. I am beyond excited.

I have set myself a personal challenge to finish my masters with a high distinction, which will mean a buttload of reading over those 9 weeks. So there might not be that many posts from me over the next few months as I will have very little time to date!

But I think I have failed in my other goal of my MBA. When I first started uni I had high hopes that I would meet my future husband there as I would be surrounded by really intelligent, ambitious and gorgeous men. Ok, the last part was unrealistic, but the first two seemed reasonable. I did meet some men that ticked those 3 boxes along the way, but unfortunately they were all already spoken for.

So I have just 9 weeks left now to meet this intelligent, ambitious and gorgeous man to make my $65K degree worthwhile….

And last night I did meet an interesting candidate! The lecturer broke the class up into groups to discuss a case study and when I found my group there was a tall, gorgeous, hairy man in it! Nice move lecturer, very nice….

We got chatting and I soon decided he was also smart. Tick, tick, tick, tick! He was all man and was rocking the bearded look hard. Now, I know many women despise beards and that many men have them just because they can’t be assed shaving, but I really dig them. I’ve always been attracted to a ‘manly’ man, an alpha man, even a ‘blokey’ guy and this one was exactly that, complete with a really deep voice. Be still my beating heart….

So, I really had to focus on gathering up my shit so that I didn’t dribble rubbish whilst discussing the case. Once I did, eye contact was intense between us whenever each of us spoke! Afterwards when we returned to our desks to continue the lecture, I couldn’t help but keep glancing back over at him from across the room.

I knew his name was Thomas, but I couldn’t quite get his surname from our name plates that the lecturer makes us display on our desks during class. I’ve tried stalking him today, but had little success….

But there is always class next week! Stay tuned kids x

The Search for Single Fishermen

I’ll admit it. I’ve become a bit obsessive about checking the traffic stats of my blog. In particular I love looking at the search engine data to see how people that read the blog found it.

Today I had a visitor that originated from a Yahoo search based on the terms ‘Single Fishermen’. I feel like my blog would have been a disappointment to that web searcher as I have no advice to give on how to find single fishermen. I’ve never considered looking for them to be honest, but it got me thinking that maybe I have been approaching my hunt for a man all wrong by only searching dating sites.

So I googled ‘single 6’5″ CEO, aged 32-45, looks like Channing Tatum, non smoker, no kids, perfect teeth and drives a hot car’.

Google must have been having an off day as all of the search results that it returned were about unicorns?!?!

ch19-300x300Picture Source: The 1st Class Lifestyle  34 Pics of Channing Tatum for his 34th Birthday (well worth a look, go on click on it, click it now, you know you want to…)

The Executive Matchmaker

Two human heads. "Opposition" and "gender" concept.

Back in August last year I had decided that I had had enough of the type of guys I had been meeting off RSVP and that it was time to look for some quality men. All the men I was meeting online seemed to not have their shit together. They were mostly in their late 30’s but seemed to be living pay check to pay check, plodding along in jobs they didn’t like and had no plans for the future.

I feel incompatible with that lifestyle. Like many single woman I know, I own my own place (except the half the bank owns), I have a good job and I definitely know what I want out of life. I’m looking for someone just like me – but with the opposite parts to mine!

So I plugged ‘professional dating sydney’ into Google and trawled through various dating sites claiming to have a professional skew. I saw many profiles of guys that looked more like career criminals than professional men. I then searched for dating agencies just to see if there was something out there superior to online dating, but most seemed like a complete scam. Then I saw one called Blue Label Life who were advertising themselves as an exclusive agency that cater to successful, professional and executive singles. That’s me! That’s me!

I googled the agency extensively looking for reviews and was surprised that I could find nothing negative, unlike all the others. But I couldn’t find much info about them at all really, which was strange as they had been around for many years. So I submitted my details, filled out a questionnaire about my dating and relationship preferences and waited for their call. I heard back from them within a few days and they asked me to head in to their office for an interview.

I was actually a little nervous. What if they rejected me? What if they thought I wasn’t a quality candidate?? I’ve since come to the conclusion that it doesn’t actually matter what you say during the interview as long as you have the cash to splurge on their membership – which is pricey!

The membership entitled me to meet 6 men over 6 months and these men would be hand picked for me by my ‘Executive Matchmaker’. I’m really busy studying and working these days, so the thought of hiring someone to search for the perfect man for me was rather appealing. I pay someone to clean my house, wash my car, do my groceries – why should this be any different??

I had three dates with guys from the agency last year and I really must tell you those diabolical stories one day, but the fourth guy is a current work in progress and so far seems the most promising!! The reason for this could very well come down to fate.

In my teenage years I can remember talking amongst my girlfriends about our future. We were discussing the usual delusional things teenage girls talk about. You know, things like how many children we would like to have (5-6), how we wanted to have our kids by the age of 22/23 as we didn’t want to be ‘old’ mums having them at 28/29. OMG, just imagine having a child when you are THAT old…..ohh.

We also spoke about our future husbands and I always said that I was going to marry a stockbroker and that his name would be Lucas. Although my girlfriends and I have since realised that we are going to be REALLY old mums as none of us had had children before 30, I have continued for many years to reference my future husband as ‘Lucas the Stockbroker’. So imagine my surprise when my matchmaker sends me a profile last week of a stockbroker called……..Luke. Ok, so it’s not Lucas, but it’s pretty damn close. I’ll take it!

We spoke on the phone last week and he sounded great. Really interesting, funny, smart. So we arranged to meet up for dinner after work this week and he suggested a reasonably nice restaurant, which in my experience is unusual on a first date. You don’t want to pay for a fancy dinner with a dud date – not that I am one of course!

So it was all lined up and we had been exchanging txts along the way so I was feeling pretty excited about the date until…..

Seated at the Kids Table

This past Saturday night I went to a Christmas party with all of my friends. Life has got a little busy over recent years and we haven’t actually had it for three years. This particular quirky party originally started as a post Christmas party where you could re-gift the crappy presents that you received at Christmas. The intention was to would wrap up something rubbish that you got, offload it to some unfortunate sod and get very, very merry.

The highlight of that original party was inducting Norma the garden gnome into our circle of friends. Norma was an unwanted work Kris Kringle gift, but she wasn’t just any garden gnome. Norma had cleavage and buttcrack – she was all class!

She became the ambassador of the party and each year for the next 4 or so years she returned to the party to be regifted. The party eventually turned into a pre-Christmas party where you had to go out and intentionally buy the crappiest gift that you could find for $10. But with weddings, new houses and babies over the past few years the party was neglected and Norma had become very comfortable at her current residence.

This year she made her reappearance and moved into her new home as per the parties of old. However, the party itself was not the same. It used to be a rowdy night where the beer, wine and vodka flowed freely, the folk in their late 20’s and early 30’s acted their age playing with water pistols, rainbow wigs and fake moustaches (all crappy gifts). The singles flirted shamelessly and sometimes there was a party pash or two.

This year, there were only two singles. Myself and one of my girlfriends. But there were a lot of rowdy people acting like children – because they actually were children! It was the first party we’ve had where most of the adults had descendants. It was a constant barrage of ‘look what I can do’ and ‘excuse me, can I have a chip/juice/candy cane/that/no not that, THAT’.

Don’t get me wrong, kids are awesome. I used to be one and I hope to have some myself eventually. But it feels like something you really need to ease your way into. Despite being 32, I’m not quite there yet and I think it has a lot to do with not having found my future baby daddy as yet. I just can’t picture my life like that right now.

My friend had an adorable little boy recently and he is gorgeous and I love him already! But, I look at him and I just can’t picture my current life revolving around a child. I work late, study part-time, often have nothing in my fridge but booze and really enjoy my ‘me’ time. Sure, I want it to happen and I know it will happen, but I very much enjoyed my nap(s) on the lounge on the Sunday after the party and having a lazy day watching dvds.

I guess I better enjoy those days whilst they last hey – after all, the psychic has said my future husband is on his way!!!

Any day now, any day…..

Psychic Says

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I generally consider myself a rational and intelligent woman. There are two things that tend to disprove this theory:

1. I love watching Neighbours – yes I am the only one in Australia still doing so.

2. I willingly hand over $160 once a year to a woman with a black cat and a crystal ball.

Three years ago I was referred to a ‘clairvoiant’ by a friend from work. I was lured by her review that the psychic had told her things about her family that she could not have possibly guessed. So myself and two other girlfriends booked in and headed off one Saturday for our readings.

The reading is done at her house at a little table near a window. We are all in there for an hour each, in which time our palms are read, we hold the crystal ball to impart our ‘energy’ and finally tarot cards are read. The psychic asks only our first name and date of birth, but not the year.

Each of the three times that I have been, she always starts with reading my palm and seems to think that I must already be married according to my ‘marriage’ line. Each time I reluctantly say no as I do not want to lead my reading if she is fishing for info like ‘the Mentalist’, but considering I am mostly seeing her to find out when my future husband is going to make an appearance, I feel I have to throw her a bone.

Whilst reading my palms on my first visit, the pyschic said they were giving off my own psychic energy and pointed out the purple glow. I looked down at my hands and they were indeed a blueish tone. But I was not cold and as the psychic was looking down at the lines on my palm with a magnifying glass, I looked around the room searching for where this mysterious blue light was coming from, but I couldn’t see anything suspicious.

My reading progressed with insights into my personality which definitely rang true, but I didn’t get anything too specific about my future out of that reading. She did tell me that she saw a man in law enforcement coming my way and that I would practically fall over him, I wouldn’t need to go searching for him, but nothing else that was too interesting. At the following reading which was in early October last year, I got much of the same info again. However, by mid October I had met that law enforcement guy.

A detective moved in one door down the hall in my apartment building and despite my reservations about that being a little too close for comfort, we got involved and it ended in a spectacular fashion. It’s now just a wee bit awkward that I might run into him in the hallway – with his girlfriend who has since moved in and their new baby who was born about 7 months after I stopped seeing him. I think the baby might be mine….

Anyway, on the last visit to the psychic this year, she said she was glad it didn’t work out with that detective as he was incapable of being faithful. Could she have not told me (or his baby mama) that before?!?! She also described another guy who I was dating after the detective who I really liked and thought I could actually get serious with, but alas he ended up moving away for a new job. Again, where was that warning?!?

However my most recent prediction is far more specific. We are now on the hunt for a man of Irish descent, called Lachlan with a surname something like Flanagan, Finnagin, Flarrity or O’Brien.

Last month I attended an industry event and met a Flanagan. My heart skipped a beat when he introduced himself. Could it be true?!?! Could this be my future husband? Turns out probably not. I think he may have been gay. Well, that must be the reason why he hasn’t asked me out. Right? Right?!?!

So let’s keep our eyes peeled for this Lachlan guy everyone, eyes peeled!!

If the psychic said it, it must be true….