The Reason Why I’m Single

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This is a question I have pondered often. Am I too pretty? Am I too smart? Am I too ridiculously hilarious? Am I too perfect, you know in that annoying too good to be true kinda way…

Perhaps I’m too modest?

A reader suggested why recently….FullSizeRender

Well that was a strange suggestion as I don’t even like horse riding?!?

Anyhoo, my search continued and I think I have found it! It’s my neighbours. No, not that douchebag detective that still haunts my hallway. Neighbours. As in the really, really, really good TV show, Neighbours.

Stop sniggering. It IS good. Last week I had a stupidly busy week at work and didn’t leave the office until really late each night. When I finally got home on Friday night, tired, cranky and stinging for a wine, I realised that I hadn’t had time to watch Neighbours any day that week. That’s right folks, I had 2.5 hours of Neighbours delight ahead of me. What more could a single gal ask for on a Friday night? If only I had 18 cats to share such a magical night with…

And maybe I soon will. An Elite Singles survey recently revealed that singles think that Neighbours is the least attractive TV show that a future partner may like to watch. Say what?! Shut the front door.

And that 67% of singles think that liking the right TV shows can make someone appear more interesting. Now that, that I can agree with. Like Kardashians. If I could just find a man who (would admit to) Keeping Up With the Kardashians, I would be all #soulmate.

The study perhaps also revealed another reason as to why I’m single. The top 3 most attractive shows were:

  1. The Big Bang Theory – favoured by geeks and freaks
  2. Game of Thrones – closet sexual deviants ;p
  3. Criminal Minds – homicidal maniacs in training

Yep, ain’t nobody got time for that….

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Tinder – a Slideshow of my Past

I haven’t been doing much dating lately. I felt over online dating so I deleted all the apps and thought I’d prefer to meet someone out and about. But then I got the plague for two months and didn’t go out much at all.

A few weeks back I decided to try an online dating site I hadn’t used before called Elite Singles. It seemed good in theory and I remember discussing it with Ms A who thought that there should be a better calibre of man on there based purely on the branding. Surely all the riff raff would self select themselves out of something called ‘Elite Singles’ as they knew they were not elite.

No. Turns out most men have alarmingly high self esteem. There were many, many men on there that were not elite at all. The worst of which had the style of the guys in Warrant and I was stuck with Sweet Cherry Pie stuck in my head for days.

But after speaking with some of my single girlfriends last week, I was encouraged to give Tinder another look. I loaded the app up again, adjusted my search settings to a nice broad 30-45 age range with 20 kms distance (see I’m being more relaxed on my criteria these days…) and started flicking through.

Within minutes of swiping I was reminded as to why I gave up on Tinder. It is seriously like a fast moving slideshow of my dating past in recent years. It’s always the same people!

Guy I dated once but was dull – swipe left

Guy I spoke with once but was a bad speller – swipe left

Guy who was my very first Tinder date – swipe left

Guy I worked with (and I’m pretty sure he’s married) – swipe left

Guy I dated a few times and he went AWOL (dang it, I assumed he died….) – swipe left

Mike (still 42 surprisingly) – swipe left

Guy who is my friend’s ex – swipe left

6’6″ ‘my share house smells like dog‘ dad- swipe left

Guy I spoke with and he irritated the crap out of me – swipe left

Guy who is definitely my type, if he had 3 more inches – swipe left

Asshole frenchie – swipe left

Guy who is physically my type, but when we chatted was dumb as shit – swipe left

Guy who I spoke with and was a weirdo stalker – swipe left.

Sigh. Happy Groundhog Day!