Joining the Mile High Club…Sorta, Kinda, Not Really


So, I’ve been a slack lazy tart on this blog lately. But with good reason (I think/hope!?!) 

I’ve been focusing my attention on holidays. When I turned 36 in March (how the fuck did that happen so quick?!?) I decided that I hadn’t travelled nearly enough, so I decided to do #12tripsin12months. I’m now up to trip 8 and have been to some awesome places and made some seriously good memories. There is a very good chance that this could become #24tripsin24months or #36tripsin36months….

I’ve got a need for speed and a taste for adventure so I’ve been pretty busy on these trips and not really had much time for men. Some trips I’ve done with friends, some with family and some alone because my favourite person to hang out with is me….😎

But something completely random happened on my last trip when I was flying from Broome to Perth. I’d had this AMAZING two week holiday by myself starting in Exmouth Western Australia swimming with Humpback whales, then to Broome where the highlight was the horizontal falls day trip where I travelled by 4WD, then seaplane, then helicopter and jet boat. Yeh, it was pretty low key….

I started the journey back to Sydney by checking in at Broome’s very basic airport that was almost like a bus shelter and the customer service woman asked if I wanted to be upgraded to an exit row. I said sure. 

As I was boarding, the customer service woman told the guy in queue in front of me that he was upgraded to an exit row and asked if that was ok. He said yes. I followed him onto the flight and found that we were in the same row, which was the front row with a spare seat between us. 

We said hello and I joked to him that it was typical to get upgraded to the pointy end of the plane only when there isn’t a business class (we were on a lil’ Fokker regional flight). 

Then we kept chatting as everyone got settled. The flight attendant came and educated us on our responsibilities as exit row people and I warned him that in the case of emergency I was pushing him out the way and taking off down the slide first. 

We took off in silence and just as I was wondering if I should put my earphones in, we started chatting again. He was on his way home to Perth and I told him about some of my WA adventures. 

The inflight meal came and it was the absolute worst. It was bloody lucky it came with wine. I told him about the amazing meat pie I’d had on my QantasLink flights between Perth and Exmouth and because I can’t help but take photos of almost everything I eat (it really is quite the mystery as to why I’m single right?!?) I showed him the photographic evidence of said pie. 

Then we took a photographic journey of my life. My recent travels, the love of my life (my car), the racetrack…all whilst the wine flowed. We kept buzzing the attendants for more wine. It was a night flight and the cabin was dim and we were clearly pissing other people off with how loud we were talking and laughing. 

Quite a few wines on, I was showing my emergency exit buddy more pics of my holiday and swiped through some poolside cocktail selfies. He stopped me and swiped back and said, and I quote, ‘you look pretty when you smile’. 

Ok, it’s on! Like donkey….

Anyhoo, more wine, more flirts, more sexy glances and then in amongst the sleepy cabin he says quietly ‘kiss me’. 

Now I’m a lady and shit, so I said ‘noooooo, that’s weird’. And I meant it. For a nano second. 

The we pashed on. On a plane. Two complete strangers having met only 2 hours ago. And I’m sure the rest of the plane noticed as suddenly instead of lots of giggling we were silent. 

We landed and it wasn’t until I stood up that I realised how truly pissed I was. As we were waiting for the doors to open he grabbed my ass and I squealed and everyone turned to look at me. Because I’m classy AF. 

Just imagine if we actually needed to operate the emergency slide. Two bumbling messes getting the door open (maybe) followed by weeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!! 😂

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Getting Some Mad Hot Skills

Seriously Single Woo Social Cock Caress Class Certificate

They say you should never stop learning right? I don’t know who ‘they’ actually are, but I think they are on to something there. I have a thirst for knowledge in most areas of my life, so when I stumbled upon a cheeky ‘C@ck Caress’ workshop on a dating site that I’d not heard of before, Woo Social Club, I thought hmmm could I pick up some new moves here?

Surely honing one’s skills in such an area could only enhance my single life? Perhaps even end it? Not my life that is, the single part….

I’ve written all about this experience for DatingScout.com.au. Read it here.

There’s even pictures ;p

I am proud to advise that I am now certified with some mad hot cock skills, specialising in the Firestarter technique. The best thing about this move is that it reminded me of how good this song is…

🎼I’m a firestarter, twisted firestarter. You’re a firestarter, twisted firestarter🎼

Guess who’s back?

Guess who's back

My Arranged Online Marri…Matches

A few weeks ago I received an email from RSVP reminding me that the stamps I had purchased recently were about to expire. RSVP is free to exchange ‘kiss’ messages to gauge interest, but you need to pay for stamps to be able to email people. I had just two days to use them, or lose them.

Before these stamps, I had once purchased a pack of 24 stamps as those sneaky fuckers make bulk buying so damn economical that you can’t say no! If I bought 24, it was only $5 a stamp and I had a year to use them. I thought at the time, well that’s just like buying someone a coffee and I’d always be happy to do that, so I’ll go the bulk pack. That was a mistake as I really struggled to shift those 24 stamps.

History repeated itself with these new stamps. I had been browsing RSVP and saw a guy that I had dismissed on Tinder because he had just one pic and in that pic he looked like he had a giant forehead. Yes, I know what you’re thinking….

Anyhoo, when I saw him again on RSVP I had access to more info than what was displayed on Tinder and I thought he sounded quite interesting and well suited to me. Perhaps there is a lesson there about first impressions? Wait for it….

So I sent him a kiss to see if he was interested, he sent back a positive response, so the ball was in my court to cough up for a stamp so we could email each other.

But you can’t buy just one stamp. Grrrr those sneaky fuckers! The minimum you can buy is 3 stamps, they are $15 each and they expire within 30 days. Sometimes you start talking to someone, realise they are a bore and it fizzles out without meeting. That’s ok at $5 an attempt, $15 is a little more annoying, but if I end up only talking to that one guy in that month, that is $45 just to talk to him. I could call a phone sex line for less….I think?!

But in the spirit of YOLO, I click purchase and I’m away! We exchange those first few boring generic online dating emails and after a week it hadn’t ramped up into anything interesting so I was out. See, the big forehead was a sign….

I looked through RSVP over the next few days but nothing else caught my eye and I then forgot about it until I received the 2 day expiry warning. So I get back on RSVP and look again, but alas there is no interesting new stock on display.

I tell Mr B-Dawg (he requested a cool name?!?) about my plight. He suggests I wildcard it to use the last two stamps and just randomly select someone and see what happens. I tell him I’ve already spoken with all the good ones and there are only undesirable candidates left. He accuses me of being too picky and he does not believe that there are no eligible bachelors left on RSVP.

Well, I’m happy to get a second opinion and particularly a qualified opinion as Mr B-Dawg and I are both into guys. I give him my RSVP login and password and tell him to find me a man!!

I nervously await the result and Mr B-Dawg comments that we have the same taste in men as he can see all the men that I’ve already contacted. Ok, feeling reassured….

When I log in to see who my future husband is, I’m confused by what he thinks my taste in men is. The first guy I see is ‘ladiesgiddyup’. Usually I would dismiss this guy based purely on his douchey mcdouchey username, but he amps up the douche factor with his profile pic which shows him with his hands gesturing to his crotch area. Yeh, I get it dude….

Ok, one wrong turn is ok B-Dawg. Next up is ‘UKclosedmouth’ (obviously not his real name). He looks ok, but I avoid guys from the UK if I can’t see his teeth in his pics as I have experienced too many English folks with feral teeth to risk it again. I know, so judgemental….don’t hate me UK readers!

Next is outdoorsy guy. He is good looking, ruggedly handsome BUT in his main profile picture he is wearing a khaki shirt and the rest of his pics feature him fishing. His profile speaks of loving the outdoors and nature and……camping. Look I love nature too, but from a boat or seaside balcony with a glass of wine. Highly incompatible.

Maybe fourth time lucky? The next guy I’ll admit I’ve looked at a few times before and found his profile pics attractive, BUT both of the pics show him with his mouth shut, no sign of teeth. Other than that he seems to tick my boxes based on his profile. Tall, 35, non-smoker, no kids, not a vegetarian, occasional drinker, possibly smart as he has a post grad education. Ok, we have a winner!

I use stamp number 2 on him and we start emailing. Success!

No. That was short lived. On his second email he told me he worked ‘mixing drugs in a lab and it’s just like cooking, but instead of food I’m using drugs’.

Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd I’m out.

Maybe it was a legitimate pharmacist job. Maybe he was saving lives. Maybe he was about to cure cancer. Maybe he would have been my unicorn.

BUT he also lived in the Shire (which no one but Shire people like) and that combined with the dodgy job AND the potential lack of teeth was just too big a risk to take ;p

Sharing is caring

As a 32 year old single woman searching for that elusive single male in Sydney that doesn’t bore and/or repulse me, I often retell my dating dramas to my coupled up friends for their amusement.

Yes amusement – often things happen to me that you just couldn’t make up and it eases my pain to share these stories with others!

I also loved reading a great blog about dating in Sydney http://www.huntingforahusband.com which I read over a couple of days end to end. It finished a while back and I have found myself at a loss without it!!

So I decided I’ll give writing my own blog a go and here it is…