I’ve been too busy for dating, but….

I decided to put a pause on my online dating activities mid-Jan as I had discovered that my final term at uni was going to take a lot of my time for the next few months. I’m almost at the end now though, just a week and a half to go, and it’s completely killing me! So much to do, so little time….

But, sometimes opportunities arise that you’ve just got to seize. Like that dinner club invitation I had a few weeks ago (major disappointment though…) and last week it was a reminder email that my stamps were about to expire on RSVP. I bought them when I met that guy that had the surprise gappy teeth and who did that awkward hand holding move on our date. Our one and only date…

So I wasn’t feeling too hopeful about using these stamps up, particularly as most of the men on there I’ve already rejected, or chatted briefly to before they appeared to be idiots, or dated and they were definitely idiots!

But I logged on and had a look around and given that I had a 3 day deadline to use the 5 stamps I had bought, plus a free birthday stamp they threw at me, I attacked this problem Oprah style. Yes, you get a kiss, and you get a kiss, everyone gets a kiss!

For those unfamiliar with how RSVP works (or doesn’t work for that matter…), the process is that you send a free kiss of predetermined text to someone you’re interested in, they can then respond with a free kiss to let you know if they are interested or not. Then it’s usually up to the originating kisser to cough up some bucks to send an email message.

I’ve always liked to be the emailer as so often I tire of the guys after one or two emails and if I’ve paid for the stamp, I don’t feel so bad when I give up on them and block them. If they’ve paid, I feel like a real nasty bitch.

So I sent some kisses out and waited for the replies. On 3 occasions the guys went straight to email from my original kiss, which is nice that they are keen, but it kind of annoyed me as it wasn’t helping me burn my stamp credits and they have all turned out to be rather dull.

I got down to two last stamps before they expired, so I’ve got communication open with a few guys. Two are only 30 and I turned 34 last week (eeeek, how did that happen so fast?!?), so I think they may be a bit ‘junior’ for me. Another is just a disappointment. His profile was very non-specific about his work, it just mentioned that he had lots of ‘goals and dreams’, but he had dreamy blue eyes and I’m a bit partial to those, so I took a chance. In his first email to me he mentioned that he didn’t have to work this weekend which he said was ‘unusual and nice’. Alarm bells! So I asked what he did for work and the response was that he works at a Liquorland. Yep, doing customer service. Dreamy blue eyes do not cut it when you are a 34 yr old checkout dude in my opinion. Yes, I probably sound like a heinous bitch. But whatevs….

The other guy has also caused alarm bells, but for a different reason. Years ago I saw a film called Sliver with Billy Baldwin and Sharon Stone. It’s a very cool, sexy thriller type movie. I give it 5 stars. Check it out.

But this particular movie has affected me ever since I first saw it. Billy Baldwin owns/caretaker a high rise apartment block which he has loaded up with secret cameras in the apartments and he watches the residents shower, eat, have sex etc.

I’ve had a weird paranoia about people watching me via secret camera in hotels in particular ever since. Yes, because I’m that narcissistic that I think I’m interesting enough for people to want to watch me…

But in recent years I’ve dated a few people that I feel exhibited stalker behaviour and who were in a great position to do so. From the guy in national security who seemed to always message me as soon as I turned off my alarm on my phone each morning, at various times each day and often as soon as I got home from work, again at various times each day too. Then the neighbour detective that would constantly casually knock on my door seconds after I got home, even if I purposely tip-toed past his door and concentrated on opening my own door with barely a sound. He would also mysteriously turn up at my courtyard fence popping his head over like Wilson in that Tim Allen show from the 90’s, Home Improvement. Sometimes with his gun. However being gigantically tall at 6’6″ you of course saw most of him!

The last security threat from RSVP is a professional hacker. Apparently he gets paid by major companies to stress test their security. Alarm bells! I had not long finished watching the ep of Catfish where a girl had been talking to a guy that was watching her through her webcam without her knowledge, so I immediately felt like placing some duct tape over my own webcam whilst typing to him just to be on the safe side…

He asked me a few standard questions about myself, like where do I live, what do I do for work and what do I like doing for fun. I joking replied that he could probably already work those things out with his skill set, but he tactfully said he’d prefer if I told him.

His profile had only one pic on it and it was a pic which was not displaying any teeth. I was already once bitten, twice shy about that from RSVP after gappy teeth, so I attempted to tactfully ask to see more pics so I could determine if ‘he was a psycho or not’ claiming that I can usually tell with multiple pics. He replied saying he could email me some, so I gave him my generic email address that gives no clues about me away.

He sent a pic. It again had no teeth. I then decided to just come out with it and said I wanted to see a pic of his teeth! I don’t have time to mess around with surprise deal breakers, so I’d prefer to know about the teeth situation up front. Yes, I know that supports the view that I may be a heinous bitch, but hey, teeth are my thing!

I actually had dinner a few weeks ago with some friends who were telling me about an ep of the Australian version of Dating in the Dark that they had recently watched. They told me that a girl had met this guy that had all the qualities she wanted (hot bod, personal trainer, they got along really well in the dark) but when she got to see him, she saw he had red hair and freckles and she was out. I told my friends that I understood her saying no. They were outraged and queried if I would do the same thing if I met someone who seemed like my absolute unicorn in the dark. Bad teeth would definitely be my out clause in that situation. I could probably work with the red hair….if it wasn’t all over his body.

Funny smile orangutan monkey portrait

So although the hacker said it was the weirdest thing he’d ever been asked to do on the internet (doubt it…) he sent me a teeth pic and they all checked out. After a few more emails he was keen to meet up this weekend. I got stuck at uni all day Saturday so I called him on the way home that afternoon just for a chat to suss out if I would be keen to meet him or not. They always need to pass the chat test!

When I called him I was quite surprised that he had a strong South African accent. He hadn’t mentioned that before, but he has been in Australia for about 5 years. He also sounded quite jittery and I’m not sure if it was a nervous giggle, but his laugh is horrible. Like cringe worthy bad. Now I love people that make me laugh and I also love making others laugh a lot, so this may be a deal breaker. My Top 17 criteria may be getting a new addition.

We spoke for about 20 mins whilst I drove home and I used the ‘busy with uni’ card to buy me some more time to get out of this situation. I’m pretty sure I’m not keen, but you never know I guess…

Ghosts of Dating Past

Couple in love, silhouette, hands, fingers

The world is definitely too small when you keep running into people that you have already dated and never really want to see again.

Yesterday I left work a little bit earlier than usual to head off to a uni class. As I was walking up the street I see a familiar face out of the corner of my eye. Standing out the front of the film school is the Neurotic Script Writer. I had been looking at my phone, so I look down again and aim to appear engrossed in it as I pass him so I can avoid an awkward conversation.

That plan didn’t work. When I get a few steps away from him, I hear his English accent say “Well, hello there <insert real name>”. Why does he not know the socially appropriate thing to do when you see someone that you dated and it ended poorly is to ignore them?!?!

I feign surprise to see him, and say “Hi, how are you going?” I actually can’t recall his name now, but I do notice that he has slimmed down quite a bit since we met earlier this year. He says he is doing well and has got a few things in his life sorted out (which I assume is to do with his ex as he had been separated for a while, but not finalised the separation in terms of house, cars, custody of their child etc) so he is in a good place.

I tell him that it is great that he is doing well these days, thinking that would put an end to our catch up conversation. But he seems in the mood to chat. He tells me that I’m looking well too (well who wouldn’t want to hear that) and then apologises for being a “right dick” when we met.

I tell him that “it’s all good, don’t worry about it” and I try to make my exit, but he jumps in and says that he is “more normal” these days and that he’d love to have a drink with me again to “prove it”.

Thank you, but no.

I use the trusty “thank you, but I’m actually seeing someone at the moment” excuse to politely decline his offer and head off.

Then tonight I’m out on a walk in my local neighbourhood whilst talking on the phone. I walk past a strip of restaurants and although distracted by conversation, I notice a nice black BMW parked on the road. A nice black BMW that is familiar to me. That I’ve been in. Yup, it was Damo’s. There is no one in the car, so I am hopeful I am in the clear…..until he steps out of a shop and almost smacks right into to me.

As I’m on the phone I can’t stop to chat (how sad), so I give him a little nod. He responds with a little sarcastic wave and smile and I motor past. Douche…

In other news, I met this guy on Tinder weeks ago now and we exchanged numbers with the intention of catching up for a coffee soon, but he became ill and has been sending the occasional text to keep me updated but we hadn’t ever spoken. He at first had a cold, then he thought it was the flu, then a virus, then pneumonia. I wasn’t too invested in him and kinda felt like a bit of a bitch that I wasn’t checking in with him, but I half wondered if he was for real or just playing me.

This afternoon he messages and says that he is finally starting to feel a bit better and asked if I wanted to chat. I thought I’d see if this guy was for real, or perhaps just a chick called Olga… It turns out he is real and by the sound of his frequent coughing fits, he has actually been really sick. What a bitch!

Update: I actually forgot about another ghost that made an appearance today. When I got home from work and was driving into the car park, the Detective was attempting to exit but taking his sweet ass time to do it. I didn’t see him and thought it was clear to drive in (its a bit of a blind spot) so then he had to wait for me. Good! So it things happen in three’s, I’m done with the ghosts for now!

Outcome of the Potential Catfish

I have been addicted to the Catfish show this weekend having finished Season 1 of the MTV show whilst I was feeling a little unwell. I am absolutely amazed at how stupid people can be online. It’s incredible the things that they will whole heartedly believe from someone that they have never met.

Which reminded me that I never updated you all about the guy I suspected may have been catfishing me as he had such a random disaster story about why he pulled out of our date. Remember, he had a delayed flight due to bad weather, lost his phone, then got the flu. Guess he broke a mirror recently to be that unlucky?

So when he sent me these excuses on the Sunday morning that we were meant to meet, I responded making it clear that I doubted if I should believe his story and that I wanted to see his pic. The next day he sends me an email address through Tinder to contact him on as he wasn’t getting his new phone until Wednesday. His email address gave nothing away about him and I sent him an email via my generic dating email address, hoping that now he had an email for me, he would send the pic through finally. But no. We exchanged a few boring, nothing emails and I left it at that thinking he’d have his phone on Wednesday and will txt me or something.

But I got nothing on Wednesday. On Thursday I sent him a message on Tinder asking if he was back to first world living standards again with his new phone. He then said he wasn’t getting it until Friday now. I was rapidly losing interest in this guy. His conversation was great before we planned that date, but ever since he had been a bore and with no photo and nothing to confirm he was a real person, I decided to leave it there.

After all, if men are interested they make an effort right? And he had details to contact me on Tinder, email or phone. It would be very easy for him. So I though I’d wait for him to contact me….

And he never did. I deleted him off Tinder yesterday as I could see he was online often yesterday, but had not bothered to contact me and his profile still had no photos on it.

I guess he swum on to his next potential victim!

Am I being Catfished?

After last weekend where the guy formerly known as the lovely English gent who turned into an asshole (unless he was hit and killed by a bus and that is why I haven’t heard from him, if so, my condolences to his family) I decided to give Tinder a rest…

But before I did, I thought I’d give it a few last swipes. I then found an interesting profile with just one pic which was a photo of a plane. I’m not sure why I clicked into it, but his profile said something about being easy going, fun, loves a laugh and quotes himself as ‘reasonably good looking’. Now I really want to see his photo if he is talking himself up like that!

But I swiped right for yes and we matched. I sent him a message immediately saying that I found his profile intriguing that he would be Tindering with no pic. He replied and said that there was nothing suspicious about it, he just has a lot of clients and didn’t want work people to see him on there. We started chatting and he was actually quite interesting.  We chatted for about 2 hours, then the following night there was more great chatting, and then again the next night. By then it was Thursday and I suggested that we catch up on the weekend. We exchanged numbers and I said to him that it would make it easier for me to find him when we meet up if I have some idea what he looked like. *wink, wink, nudge, nudge, send me your photo please!

I was surprised at myself that I would want to meet someone I hadn’t seen a pic of. It’s the ultimate blind date – which is so unusual for online dating! But what I’ve been doing hasn’t been working, so why not I guess?!?

Friday passes and I don’t hear from him. Most of Saturday passes and I haven’t heard from him either. I send him a txt msg Saturday afternoon to ask what time we are going to catch up on Sunday. No response.

When I woke up this morning I was thinking of just deleting him off Tinder and moving on. He hadn’t been active on Tinder the past few days so I thought I’d wait until I could tell he was alive (seeing all my dates keep dying lately….). I was just heading out to lunch with a friend when I get a Tinder message from him saying that he is sorry he hasn’t messaged me, but he got stuck up the north coast due to bad weather, he also lost his phone and was messaging me on his iPad and he has come down with the flu today and asked if we could raincheck our date for tonight.

Wow. I always complain about the guys that die that they don’t have the balls to send a simple txt and prefer to just ignore me. This guy has coughed up 3 excuses whilst cancelling a date. But, I can’t help but feel that it is terribly bad luck to have all that happen at once.

Could it be true? I’ve still not seen this guy’s pic. I have not spoken to him on the phone either. Could he be a 18 yr old girl that has been bullied her entire life and is deciding to fuck with people just for the fun of it? Note, on Friday night I saw the show Catfish where this 21 yr girl had been chatting to a model she met online and they were txting that they love each other and want to marry for 8 months despite the fact they had never met or spoken. The show gets them together and the model guy turns out to be an 18 yr old very unfortunate looking bisexual girl. Great show! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Catfish:_The_TV_Show

Could ‘he’ like talking to me, but can’t meet up or it would reveal his secret so that’s why the 3 lies? Could ‘he’ be Casey Donovan catfishing me to get revenge for all the shit she has copped after she revealed her 6 yr relationship with a man, who was a girl, who she was having sex with cause her man who she never met wanted her to? Yes, it’s complicated. For my non-Aussie readers check this out to get up to speed http://www.news.com.au/entertainment/music/casey-donovans-bizarre-confession-my-sixyear-relationship-was-a-hoax/story-e6frfn09-1226837272582.

So I eventually replied tonight saying that it was an unusual amount of misfortune he has endured this weekend and that a cynical person who has met a lot of Tinder dickheads may not believe it. He replied saying that it was all true and all he can do is hope I believe it and that he’d like to keep talking to me.

I’m unconvinced. Thoughts?