There are two amazingly beautiful girls at work who I’ve been trying to convince to get on the online dating bandwagon. Which is probably quite surprising (and no doubt unconvincing) considering my blog mostly features dating debacles, but generally I find meeting new people fun, so it’s not ALL bad…except in the Spitter example.
Their reluctance generally stems from the concern that they may meet weirdos online. Yes you will, there is no may about it. Lots is a definite. Lots of them. Hundreds. Thousands. But you leave those ones online and only advance to the next stage the ones that seem to be 50% or less weird.
I thought I had this process nailed by now. I pride myself on my well honed phone screening process where I have a high accuracy rating of picking if someone is a psycho or not. But I guess no one is infallible…
I was talking with a guy on Tinder who was not quite my usual type, but he gave good chat, lived nearby and was keen to catch up for a casual dinner soon. I like dinner, I pretty much eat it every day, so although it was a quick advancement, I thought why not?!?
This was probably my first mistake as I hadn’t yet obtained insight into the usual things I like to know about a man before leaving Tinder. He had me at 6’6″…..
The second mistake was probably calling him without hiding my number. We started chatting about random things immediately and I can talk rubbish for hours, so it was all going quite nicely with rapid convo and lots of laughs. We were talking about trashy tv and illegal downloading (which I of course do not participate in, no way Mr Internet Sir!) and he throws in that he mostly downloads Disney shows and I immediately think, oh dear what a weirdo watching kids shows.
Wrong. Ka-boom! He follows that up with ‘Oh I should probably tell you that I have a 4 year old daughter. Not sure if that is an issue, or if you even care’. Awkward….
I do care. I never swipe right on guys with kids, or if it comes up in convo whilst on Tinder I’m generally out of there. I just don’t want to date a guy with kids. It’s a personal choice and clearly many people feel the same way as those who have kids and are online dating often frame it in the way that they expect you to have an issue with it.
But instead of saying ‘yes, actually I don’t want to date someone with kids’ I just ploughed on with the conversation whilst thinking about how I’d wrap this up. I would feel like a real bitch to say that to him over the phone, but of course it’s much easier to say online before you’ve been having a great chat for almost an hour.
He then moved the conversation onto work. He’d asked me earlier on Tinder what I did for work and I gave him a really generic answer about what industry I work in. He didn’t get the hint in my vagueness and asked what company and I just said ‘a big one’. He again asked what company I worked for on the phone as clearly we were close now that we had exchanged phone numbers and I again said I didn’t want to tell him just yet.
Things turned a bit weird and I told him I was busy the rest of the week and let’s aim to catch up next week to give me time to extract myself from the situation. Yes, I can see how hypocritical that makes me sound when I complain about men who disappear, but I feel that this guy should have disclosed his offspring situation earlier.
Personally I think it’s mandatory detail to provide in a profile. That, plus if you are a vego, your smoking status and your jockey status….
Anyhoo, he told me that he would easily be able to stalk me via LinkedIn based on what I had told him and that he was up to the challenge. I said good night and hung up. 20 minutes later I get a txt from him giving me his full name so I can stalk him as he says that he has nothing to hide. I ignore it and go to bed. In the morning he sends another txt first thing saying it took him 45 seconds to find me and references my full name.
Ok crazy stalker! I’m out. I un-match him on Tinder and tell my friends about Mr Creepy. One is very concerned for my safety when I say he has my phone number and says ‘geeze I hope he can’t find your address’. That never occurred to me, my number isn’t listed, so why would I be concerned about that!?! She randomly googles my phone number and finds my full name and address listed on a directory website!!!!
It appears that I’ve been caught up in a Telco privacy leak a few years back, but I guess I’ve never googled my number before to discover this. I wonder how many people online dating do this!?!? How many of my former dud dates knew where I lived? Is this guy lurking outside my window? Creeeeeeeeeeeeeepy…..
Perhaps I should check in here regularly for safety?!!!