The Other Side of the Story

Young woman writes an SMS to your mobile phoneHello, it’s me. I was wondering if after all….

Ok, it’s been a while since I’ve posted. I’m sorry, for everything that I’ve done….

Yep, I’ve been busy singing Adele songs and not really dating much, so I’ve had nothing to write about.

But something did happen recently that has made me reconsider my sometimes harsh treatment of men that I deem to have behaved in a cowardly way. I still don’t think it’s a nice way to treat people, but I now somewhat understand it.

A few months ago I was out at a show with Ms A and we’d had many a glass of wine. After the show people continued to linger in a beer garden type area and my memory is a bit fuzzy, but we got talking to a security guard. The place closed and as Ms A and I were heading to get a cab, the security guard appears again and we get chatting and joke around which included taking some photos of us. He is going out, but we are going home, so we exchange phone numbers and he says he will be in contact as maybe we can catch up the next night.

The next morning I awake with a mighty headache and looking through the photos on my phone I wonder why I was interested in this guy. He is tall and has nice teeth, but he isn’t my usual type. And he is wearing a reflective vest. Oh that’s right, wine…

I don’t hear from him that day and I forget about him. Until the following month. Ms A and I and another friend Ms K are out and about at a wine festival. We’re about 3 glasses in and feeling a little tiddly when we stumble upon a familiar face wearing a reflective vest.

Not that I was interested, but this guy never contacted me so I play it cool and politely say hello, but I have better things to do. But as the festival plays on, I’ve drunk more and I find myself winking at him as I pass by him. Now my closest friends know that I’m rubbish at winking so it probably looked like a bad twitch, but whatevs….

The day progressed, we get a little messy and by the time the ferry arrives to take us back to the city we are very very tiddly. On the ferry, everyone is in a good mood, there is music and dancing and lots of drinking and it’s getting quite dark outside. I find my security guard and I think we chatted and flirted for a bit (?!?) and the next thing I know we are pashing. On the ferry. In the middle of everyone. Whilst he is working. Okaaaaaaaaayyyy….

When we arrive at the wharf we swap numbers again and he goes off to get changed as he plans to meet up with us at the bar. I attempt to rejoin the ladies but Ms K has decided to call it a day. Ms A and I decide there is no talent at that bar, so we head off to have cocktails at another bar whilst Mr Security calls and txts asking if I’m still at the original bar.

I’ve moved on already and ignore it. He ditched me last time. I haven’t done anything he didn’t do first right??

The next morning, again hungover as shit, he txts and asks if I remember him. Of course I do, I wasn’t THAT drunk. A few hours later after not responding, he txts again saying ‘why did you give me your number if you aren’t going to reply?’

And now I feel bad. I don’t want to be slack to him, but I know I’m not interested. I respond and play the ‘sorry, ended up going home early with my friends last night’ card and tell him I can’t chat as I’m out.

Over the next few days he messages every day and I do that thing that I hate guys doing where I was answering with basic answers that encouraged no further conversation. But he wasn’t letting me off so lightly. One night he said goodnight to me and my real name is Michelle (I think we’ve known each other long enough for me to reveal that to you…) but he spelt it Mechail. Honestly. I’m not even shitting you.

Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnndddddddddd I’m definitely out…..

The next weekend I was heading out with another friend Ms M and he suggests that maybe we can meet up later. I try and play it cool saying I won’t have a big night out, so unlikely. He txts at 8:30pm asking if I’m having a good night. Then again at 10:30pm asking what I’m up to. Then at midnight I get a ‘Mechail?????’

Why? Why am I doing this to myself?

I don’t hear from him the next day, but the day after I get a message asking why I ignored him that night. Why can’t he just get the point? There is NO WAY I would be this pathetic with a man!

Why can’t I just say to him ‘It’s because I don’t like you’. At brunch that day Ms J suggests I send him this…

NOT INTO YOU

And I realise that is exactly the problem. I feel bad because I was keen when I saw him in person. Drunk. But not enough to want to do it again sober.

I can very easily be upfront and tell guys that I’m not interested when I’ve been out with them and realised that there was nothing there and nothing happened. But it feels really mean when I’ve attempted to pick him up twice AND pashed him. A lot.

This realisation made me think about all the guys that go AWOL after one or two or even three great dates. For whatever reason they have decided that they no longer want to see you, maybe they’ve met someone else in the meantime, but they never tell you, they just disappear. You never get a response to your last txt and it’s nicer to assume they died….a gruesome death that involves their penis being sliced off. Fuckers….

It seems kinder to ghost than to say you’re not interested to someone that you at some point did seem interested in. You don’t want to hurt their feelings. After all, you were genuinely  interested….at some point….at some very drunken point.

So I’ve ghosted him now. It’s for the best. I just hope I don’t run into him and his reflective vest again anytime soon…

 

 

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3 comments

  1. M · December 9, 2015

    I always try to not ghost because it drives me crazy when men do it. However, when I text them the truth (“I’m not not feeling it”, “I didn’t feel that spark”, etc.) they go crazy and say horrible stuff like “You’re too chubby for me anyway” or “omg you’re such a bitch I should have never paid for you”. etc. Awful awful men.

    Liked by 1 person

    • seriouslysingleinsyd · December 9, 2015

      Good point M! Sometimes you just can’t win. I forgot to mention in my post, but at one point I also told this guy I had met someone and wanted to see where it went so I wasn’t looking to date anyone new. He replied saying ‘who said anything about dating? I just wanted to catch up for a drink and a laugh’. Lies! That still didn’t deter him. I must be one awesome pash haha.

      Like

  2. subfeczo · July 28, 2016

    “It seems kinder to ghost” – It is not. It is a waste of everyone’s time. Both of you can move on much quicker with a clean conscious if you get to the point. It does not matter if you were tipsy or whatever you do not owe an explanation after a few days. Also you can be kind by wishing good luck. Along the lines of sorry, I do not think we are a good match after all, good luck with dating. Clean, easy takes you 30 seconds and everybody can move on instead of making up stories in your head.

    Like

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