The Very Cheeky Englishman

Of all the dating sites that I have tried, POF is certainly the worst. I’ve looked at it a few times and have always found that most of the guys can barely string a sentence together. But my friend Ms A was using it and convinced me to give it another look in.

Scrolling through the masses of degenerates someone catches my eye and we get chatting. Mr T has nice pics, he is tall (well 6 foot), has his own business, lives in a nice area, is 40, no kids, a non-smoker, has a coherent profile. Tick, tick, tick.

We chat a little online and exchange numbers. When I call the next day, I get his voicemail and I am surprised to hear an English accent. Oh no, I wasn’t aware of this fact. I didn’t leave a message, rather I jumped straight online to check his profile again. His teeth, I need to see the teeth!! In my experience I’ve met a lot of people from the UK with bad teeth, so I usually avoid them online unless I can clearly see the teeth situation from the pics. Don’t hate me UK readers…

Fortunately he is smiling in his pics, his teeth on full display, they are all there and they are perfect. Phew….

When Mr T calls back we chat for about half an hour and it’s non-stop laughter. He is hilarious. My cheeks actually hurt from laughing when we hang up.

We arrange a date for the following night. He arrives early and txts me whilst I’m still on my way into the city asking what I want to drink so he can have it waiting for me. I tell him that I’ll get something when I get there. First rule of online dating, don’t let them roofie you too easily…

When I arrive I call him to find him as the bar is really busy and I like what I see when I get there. He is very pleasant looking and he seems to quite like me…as he tells me. A number of times. Oh stop it Mr T, no go on, no stop, no go on…

We get a bottle of wine and it disappears fast. I try to buy the second bottle, but he won’t let me claiming that he is a gentleman and that just won’t do. When he returns from the bar which I am sitting with my back to, he swiftly leans down from behind my shoulder and kisses me saying that “he just had to do that”. Ok the cynical ‘I’ve dated a lot of douchey men’ side of me thinks oh what a tosser, but the quite tiddly side of me thinks he is quite lovely…and a good kisser. #winning

The second bottle somehow disappears too and we both need to head to the bathroom (separately of course…) and as we are walking along I notice that I seem a bit taller than him. He was meant to be 6 foot, I’m 5’10”, but I was likely wearing 3 inch heels so I expected a little difference, but this is more than an inch. Whilst wondering that thought he stops me and pulls me in for another kiss. Oh he finds me irresistible. Stop it Mr T, no go on, oh whatevs…..#YOLO.

We get a third bottle of wine and my previous fuzzy thoughts about it probably being a wise idea to get some food have dissipated. Who knows where that bottle goes, but all of a sudden I’m drunk. Drunk, drunkity, drunk, drunk!

Remember how cautious I was about not getting drugged and being incapable of fending off a dodgy internet guy earlier in the night? No? Me either…

After plenty of shameless public pashing it is time to call it a night. He walks me to the cab rank, kisses me and tells me that he really doesn’t want to send me home, but he knows it’s the right thing to do being a gentleman and all. See, he does have morals! He puts me in the back of the cab and then leans into the front window and hands the cab driver cash to take me home. What the hell? How old school. Indeed a gentleman. I’m kinda digging it…

He then proceeds to send me quite dirty txt messages all the way home…..well actions speak louder than words right? ;p

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7 comments

  1. Holy crap! He sounds amazing!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Anon · June 27, 2015

    “quite dirty txt messages all the way home”

    pls elaborate

    Like

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