At the end of last year I had a few weeks of holidays from uni which meant that I had way too much time on my hands all of a sudden. During the year we usually get 1 week off in between the 4 x 11 week terms, which isn’t really enough time to notice that you all of a sudden are getting more sleep, seeing friends more, watching a heap of trashy TV….
But with 5 weeks off this time and being seriously single and ready to mingle, I was investing quite a lot of my time swiping through Tinder profiles. Inevitably I would start a conversation with a guy that appeared like a good match but at some point, sometimes quickly sometimes many, many messages or even days later, he mentioned something that was a deal breaker and I would hit the unmatch button.
That process soon became rather boring. I would much prefer to waste my time watching Neighbours or playing Candy Crush for hours rather than talk to someone with highly undesirable characteristics. You know, major stuff like being a vegetarian. Ok, I can see the vegetarians unsubscribing from my blog already, BUT the smell of bacon cooking is one of the most amazing smells in the entire universe, especially when combined with onion and garlic and I’m not prepared to live my life without it ok….
Anyhoo, to avoid this situation continually repeating itself, I decided to get real in the ‘About Me’ section of my profile and lay it right out there as to what I was looking for:
“I unapologetically like men who are tall, smart, successful, witty, childless and have their shit together.
Oh and have nice teeth….
Me: 5’10”, non-smoker, no kids, shit completely assembled by oneself from flat pack (one screw leftover, probably not essential, maybe instructions were wrong?!?), love cars (but not a revhead), hate cats, mandarins & vegetarians.”
I gained some interesting insight about men by doing this. Firstly, I’m sure there are plenty of men that see the fact that I’m boldly stating what I want in a man indicating that I’m the ‘demanding’ type, so they just wouldn’t be interested. Good.
Perhaps it is even somewhat intimidating that I want, no expect, a successful man. But if he can’t handle that expectation in a profile, I’d be rather glad that he’d swipe left as he wouldn’t have enough balls for me to be remotely attracted to him.
Also, if he can’t self identify with those characteristics, he is also someone that I’m unlikely to dig. However the problem with self identification is that ‘successful’ is a broad statement. It has been quite an eye opener as to what some men classify as being successful. Living by yourself and doing your own washing and cooking – not successful. Actually come to think of it, they’d also fail on the whole smart thing there too…
But having this info on my profile does prompt the conversation of ‘do you meet my criteria’ really early on in the piece. There is no time wasting going on as the men are usually eager to profess how they meet my criteria in the first one or two messages. Many seem to like to try and convince me that they well exceed my criteria – yes competing against standards that they themselves didn’t even set!
Do you remember Mike? Mike is the one that I’ve lost twice – alas, the one that got away…..then came back…..then got away….but may come back?!? For a few days after I lost him the second time, I put a comment on my profile to encourage him to rematch me just in case he thought that I actually did get his number when he sent it, but just ignored him. It went something like:
“Mike, you disappeared before I could get your number!”
All the other guys that I was matching with thereafter were seeing this message and although no one knew who Mike was, they all instinctively knew that they were better than him! I even matched with another Mike and he told me that he could guarantee that he was “118% better than my previous Mike…..and 3 inches longer”. Well, I give him credit for ticking the funny box…..
My new profile blurb did still attract some unsuitable candidates though. These were the negotiators. My favourite was the guy who claimed that he met 51% of my criteria, but had many other attractive qualities that would offset the other 49%. I don’t think I would concede on de-scoping even 10% of requirements really, but I was intrigued. Turns out he had kids. Lots of them. 5 in fact.
Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnd I’m out…….