The Awkward One

Lovers at Sunset

Last night I had a very bad date. It was awkward, he was awkward, the whole thing was just wrong.

I hadn’t used RSVP for a while as it was always the same old guys on there and most of them I could talk to on Tinder for free anyway. But a few days ago I logged on and saw some new blood that I decided to contact. I started chatting to this Kiwi guy, 41, 6 foot, had a rugged and manly look to him, divorced but no kids and worked in finance.

We chatted on the phone earlier this week and he sounded fun. We decided to meet up and he said he’d think about where we should go and let me know. Nice, I like it when they plan! We were off to a good start….

The next morning he sends me a txt about 8:30am with his suggestion to meet at a bar at 6:30pm the next night down in the Rocks. I read it, but it was the morning after the awful siege in Sydney so when I arrived at work there was a lot of discussion about that and I got distracted and just forgot to reply to him. At 10:30am he sent another messaging saying ‘not sure if you got my earlier message or not…’ and then he reiterated his suggestion of where to meet.

TWO hours had passed. TWO!!!! Alarm bell 1. I replied giving him a little smack for that by saying ‘yes, but I’ve been busy…’ and told him the venue was good, but let’s make it 7pm. He replied and said ‘yes, 7pm works better for me anyway’. Ok, why did you suggest 6:30pm then?!

Later that day I sent him a message, mostly as I felt a little bad about the morning exchange. He replied an hour later and apologised for the delay in responding. I think we have a clingy one here….

Then on the day of the date I get a txt from him saying ‘looking forward to our date tonight?’ YES it was a question. Who does that? You can tell me that you are looking forward to the date, but do you really need me to stroke your ego by asking if I’m looking forward to meeting you?

When I get to the bar I immediately notice that he is short. Admittedly I’m wearing heels, but he is definitely not 6 foot. I think 5’11” at best. They always add an extra inch….

He says hello and smiles at me and oh fuck, he has a great big gap between his teeth. Now, you all must know how much that would thrill me with ‘nice teeth’ being in my Top 5 criteria. How did I miss this?!? Did his pics not have his teeth showing? Why wasn’t I prepared for this? I’ve really let my dating game slip lately…

That bar was too busy, so we walked to another around the corner and there was one free table so he suggested I grab it and he’d get us some drinks. I said I’d have a NZ Sav Blanc and I went to sit down, keeping an eye on him so he didn’t roofie my drink of course. When he returns, he’s got two glasses of red and says ‘you said Shiraz didn’t you?’ looking all hopeful. No. How did you fuck that up man?!

I thought to myself oh whatever, if you finish this drink quick you can be back and in the car before the all night rate at the car park kicks in. We sit and chat awkwardly and I can’t help but notice a lot of attractive tall men at the bar that I would rather be talking to. At one point a guy that must have been 7 foot walks in and catches my eye and I even said to my date ‘geeze that guy is tall’. That was probably a little mean…

As we chat I can’t stop looking at his teeth, but also his hands. He has really stumpy fingers. They don’t seem to match his body at all. I wonder why…..oh ok, I’m back in the room. He’s asked me something and is looking at me awaiting my answer. Ooopps….

The conversation moves on to cars and I tell him that I’ve been looking at new cars lately and what they all were. He tells me he doesn’t care much for spending money on new cars, that they are a complete waste of money, a depreciating asset blah blah. This is an irreconcilable difference! I love nice cars and the rational side of me knows that they are money pits, but I enjoy them so it’s worth the cash. We clearly have no relationship potential at all!

The conversation improves a bit after that and when he finishes his wine he asks if I’d like to get some food. I have no idea why, but I say sure and he goes let’s head off to get some at the Opera Bar. Oh crap, that’s like a 5 min walk from here and we are getting further and further away from my car…

As we walk around the harbour towards the Opera House we are chatting about really non-interesting things when he grabs my hand and holds it. WTF? There has been no signs that this is on the cards. There were no flirty eyes, no cheeky banter, nothing! I know it sounds awful, but I immediately look at the people at the outdoor seating of the restaurants along the water and think ‘crap, do I know anyone in there?’

He must sense my discomfort and immediately says ‘I hope that’s ok’. I reply ‘no’ and pull my hand away and then add ‘it’s a bit too early’. We then walk on in uncomfortable silence whilst I sing Bon Jovi’s ‘shot down in a blaze of glory’ in my head.

We get to the bar and I’m so regretting not abandoning the sinking ship after the wine. We order, I try to go halves as I know I’m never going to see this guy again, but he won’t let me pay at all. I suggest going to the bar to get us drinks, but he says no he’ll get them and when I insist he says he doesn’t know what he wants. We go to the bar together and order and I pretty much force the bar lady to take my cash as he is still trying to pay.

He finds us a nice table with some comfy chairs looking straight at the harbour bridge and it would have been lovely had I been with someone I liked! The food takes forever to arrive and when it does it is terrible. When we are talking he is an Interrupter, otherwise we are sitting there in silence.

It turns 9pm and I tell him that I must be off as the car park will close soon and I won’t be able to get my car out. We head off and I am so disinterested in him that I decide to pull a pair of flats out of my bag and change out of my heels as I’m worried I’m getting a blister and he isn’t worth the pain! I even do it in a really non-classy way on the side of the path in front of him.

We get to the car park entry, I kiss him on the cheek and head off. I get a txt soon after from him asking if I’d like to see him again. It’s been minutes since I was last seeing him!

I didn’t reply last night and intended to send the thanks but no thanks message this morning but again I forgot about this poor bugger. I got a message at lunchtime from him asking if I was ok. Oh dear….

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