To Friend or Not to Friend, That is the Question

Hot key for friends

Recently I mentioned a guy that I had met on Tinder who I’d exchanged numbers with, but he was quite sick so it took a while for us to really get talking about meeting up. Once we did, contact accelerated quickly and he was texting and calling quite a bit. I was deep into uni work at the time and it was actually kind of sweet that he kept checking in with me to see how I was going and give me little study breaks.

On one of these breaks I was enjoying a glass (or two) of wine in the bath, which is one of my favourite pastimes (don’t judge me) when he called. It went to voicemail which states my full name and he left a message saying something along the lines of “Hello Ms <inset real name here>….” Later when I called him back it was quite obvious that he had looked me up on Facebook and that my privacy settings had become a little lax as he was talking about photos I’d posted that day!

It was weird, but it wasn’t like he had stalked me to find me surname as per Mr Creepy. He moved on to putting shit on me for my habit of drinking wine in the bath and I jokingly replied with “well I’m a Pisces you see, so it’s written in the stars that I love water”. He then revealed he was a Pisces too and when I asked him what date, he said exactly the same date as my birthday. I instantly felt creeped out thinking he is messing with me as it must be on my Facebook profile too and that I’ll really need to lock that sucker down! But he sent me a pic of his licence with his address cropped out and it turns out he did have exactly the same birthday as me, just 2 years older. For my birthday this year my girlfriends who I see the psychic with every year bought me an astrology book about which star signs are supposedly a good match for each other. Turns out Pisces and Pisces is the worst combination, so I guess it was destined to never work out with this guy! You can’t fight astrology right?!?

That conversation also turned bad for two other reasons. First, after 2 glasses of wine I was a little loose lipped and for some reason told him that I write a dating blog. He searched for it with very little detail from me, found it and read the whole thing before we met, giving him far too much insight into me without needing to get to know me! Unfair advantage.

The second bad thing was that he Facebook friend requested me on that call and tried to get me to accept. Yes some parts of my page were public, but not much and I thought it strange to Facebook friend request me before me met. But it did get me thinking when is the right time to Facebook friend request someone?

You can learn a lot about someone from their Facebook page. What lame internet memes do they find funny? Are they really single? Do they have kids they have conveniently omitted from the conversation? And important life issues like if they wear Crocs, or listen to Roxette (which the latter would make me instantly fall in love with them – it’s been retro week in my car this week and it’s been all Roxette, INXS and George Michael. I’m ridiculously cool…..)

But when is the right time to open up this insight? I’ve unfriended a number of guys that I perhaps prematurely connected with before realising that they were a tool. It feels so petty to ‘unfriend’ someone, but if you’ve finished dating, you might as well cut them loose.

I ignored the Facebook friend request until after we met. We caught up at local wine bar and he was good looking, cheeky and flirty. We had a couple of glasses of wine, ordered some pizzas and hung out in the cute courtyard garden for a couple of hours. It was a great date, non-stop chat, some leg touching and a little kissing. Eventually it was time to head off, he paid the bill (saying that he knows I like that from my blog) and he walked me to my car. There he seemed to be trying to ramp up the kissing, but I shut it down and got in the car to go home.

We exchanged some messages that night, I accepted his friend request and went to bed. The next day we txted a little more, but he said he was feeling a bit tired and unwell again. Over the next few days there were a couple of messages, but nothing particularly interesting and it just fizzled out. So I unmatched him in Tinder and unfriended him on Facebook.

What happened? Was it that I relentlessly post food porn on my Facebook which makes people too hungry?? Probably not. Mostly with great first dates that go nowhere I assume that it’s because the guy was playing his A game for some action that evening and if it doesn’t happen he disappears. So let’s go with that. No skin off my nose…onwards and upwards!

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