The Seriously Single Male Perspective

online-dating_o_533911Last week I received a comment on my blog from a guy who had found it through searching for info on the executive matchmaker agency that I had all that drama with!

He said that he too has largely given up on dating as it’s just going nowhere for him and he was interested to hear that women are struggling with the dating scene too. His perception was that women have all the choice as they have plenty of men to pick from and can be very selective.

I’ve written about the man drought previously and I have always felt that men have more options than women. The way they behave (in my experience) indicates that they just keep moving on to something they perceive is a better option. There are a lot of single, successful, picky women in their 30-40’s looking for ‘the one’, but there doesn’t seem to be that many men!

I was curious to learn more about the other side of the story, so I asked him about what he is looking for in a woman and what was going wrong with dating for him.

This is what he said:

“Top 5 Qualities in an Ideal Partner

1) Obviously a nice, kind hearted, caring person
2) Someone who knows what they want in life and is doing their thing to get there
3) Fun, vibrant, bubbly and positive personality. Outgoingness would also be a plus, provided its on the same wavelength.
4) Intellectually stimulating so that I can have good conversations with them
5) An acceptable degree of physical attraction – at least some, I’m not going to lie.

Pretty generic? Perhaps. But hey, that’s just me. It really has to come down to the connection of someone I meet and a lot of the time, that’s something that’s really hard to describe but I think I’m being as accurate as it gets.

At the same time though, and I am being a bit contradictory here, I also like someone who has their own point of view and formulates their own opinions on things. I need someone, believe it or not, who I can argue with. Someone that challenges me yet is comfortable enough to enjoy being around. Can you imagine being with someone who agrees on you with everything? Boring!”

That all seems reasonable to me! I am often criticised for my criteria and told I’m too picky, mostly because I put ‘Nice teeth’ into my top 5. I’m judged for including a physical characteristic in my must haves for a romantic connection, but I think that it is entirely valid (of course). I fundamentally believe that you must find your partner attractive to have a successful relationship with them. If I wasn’t attracted to them, that would make them just a friend and you don’t make babies with friends ;p

Anyway, back to his story….

“Dating Disasters
Well that’s almost non-existent as of late! I do go out and have a great circle of friends, however meeting girls (who are single) has been a challenge.

I wouldn’t say I had to many dating “disasters”, but mine were more like realising that hey she’s totally different to me – on a whole other wavelength, or for some reason, the conversations just weren’t flowing or felt awkward – early warning signs that we just won’t ever click.

I have always though that dating for ladies would have been easy until I have read your blog and it seems your experience it is not so much different to ours. I think for guys (actually, me!), the challenge is actually meeting that someone who is willing to accept that first date invitation.

In my experience, the girls I meet always seem to have options. For instance, a girl out in town on a Saturday night will be approached by several guys wanting to pick her up. Or girls on Tinder and dating sites will have a heaps of guys reeling for a conversation going for that chance of a date. I feel meeting women in Sydney is seriously competitive as there are always several guys going for that one girl and you need to somehow stand out. I once had a female friend who told me that in the space of a few weeks on Tinder, she had something like 200 matches! Insane.”

I must say that it is easy to get lots of matches on Tinder, but it’s definitely a case of quantity over quality! It usually only takes 3 replies to work out if they are worthy of a conversation or if I should be hitting the ‘unmatch’ option!

His final words were “What about you SSiS? Any advice on what or where single guys should go looking to meet someone?'”

I wish I knew! I would be there. With bells on. Yes really, ding-a-ling-a-ling. Just so I could stand out from the crowd 🙂

The search is over!!!

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Yes the search has ended – but it is incomplete.

I haven’t posted for a couple of weeks again as I have had no luck finding anyone interesting enough to go on a date with. Over lunch early last week I was complaining about this to Ms A, but by the end of the week I was actually feeling more positive.

All of a sudden it was like there was a flood of new talent on Tinder! I was swiping right and getting matches left, right and centre. I had started talking to a guy who was rocking a pretty sexy beard. Now, I’ve always been attracted to the real ‘manly’ type and have never had a real objection to facial hair, but lately it’s been a strong attraction towards it. As long as it’s not the hipster type beard accompanied with skinny jeans…

Anyway, I had met a sexy bearded and slightly younger man, but alas he was also slightly shorter. Then yesterday I started talking to another bearded man, slightly older. We launched straight into quite intellectually stimulating conversation and had a lot of back and forth of messaging over the course of the day. He seemed funny (tick), smart (tick), has his shit together (tick).

Later that evening about 10pm I was watching a movie and he sends me a message. We keep chatting for the next 2 hours and cover a lot of ground. He seems kinda awesome and it seems to be going well so far, so I start thinking I might be meeting this guy soon.

We say goodnight and exchange the standard pleasantries about it being nice talking to each other. This morning I’m awake early and what so often happens, I waste about 30 mins fluffing about looking at stuff on my phone, including checking Tinder. Nothing new really. I’m on Facebook when I see an alert come through that the bearded man has sent me a message.

I finish reading what I was looking at and pop back into Tinder. There is no message there now. He is not there anymore. He has flipping unmatched me after sending who knows what in the message because he unmatched me and that takes all the messages away.

So one can only wonder what that message said now. Was it that he had a terminal illness and that today is his last day to live and he wanted to spare me the pain and grief of his death? Was it that he had a wife and 16 children at home and he was just on Tinder testing if he was still ‘hot or not’? Was it that he had no penis, actually no human genitals at all and when he takes off his pants he is often mistaken for Barbie?

My bet is the last one. It seems the most plausible.

I was at a kids party on Saturday complaining to Ms C about the lack of talent out there and how frustrating the man hunt is. She told me what I’m so often told, that it will happen when I least expect it. I’m always told too that when I stop looking for it, it will turn up.

So I’m going to stop looking. I’m deleting Tinder, POF, RSVP and eHarmony from my phone tonight. I’m out!

Come and get me fate!!!!