The Upgrade Factor

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A few weekends ago a very interesting article appeared in the Good Weekend liftout of the Sydney Morning Herald newspaper about Australia’s Most Wanted online daters. I’m not sure why they struggled to get in contact with me for the story…

They interviewed people who were ranked as the most desirable profiles on various dating sites. The top female profile on RSVP belongs to a 30 yr old attractive solicitor from Sydney who completely nails what I have long suspected is the problem with online dating – the upgrade factor!She talks about how you go through profiles and analyse them against each other and that ‘everyone thinks there is something better around the corner.’

I completely agree with this comment and I feel that the upgrade factor likely explains the bad dating behaviour of late from the likes of the one with the little sausage and dodgy Damo.

But I will admit that I have done it myself. Oh he seems ok, but he lives in a share house. Oh he seems alright, but he has a cat. Oh he seems perfect, but his front left tooth is not quite exactly perpendicular to his gum line….

There is a man drought in Australia at the moment, particularly in Sydney (it’s statistically proven) which means men can be very picky as they are swimming in a big sea of women in their 30’s on the hunt for love (AKA me!).

Unfortunately for me though, the man sea is full of the type of fish that John West rejects.

Picture Source: Most Wanted, Sydney Morning Herald. Go read the article!

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The Yellow Wallet was a Sign

I knew I was onto something with that yellow wallet. That guy has gone AWOL.

Our date was last Thursday night, I txt’d him the night of the date to thank him for paying, then heard nothing from him Friday. On Saturday whilst a bit bored at uni, I txt’d  him just to say hello and keep the communication open. He replied straight away, we sent a few txts back and forth, but it was nothing particularly interesting.

Then I decided that I had done my part and that I wasn’t going to txt him again. If he wanted to keep in touch, he could txt me.

And he hasn’t. Oh well!!

Yellow Wallet – Thoughts?

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I forgot to mention something about my date! When he got out his wallet to pay, I noticed it was yellow, very similar to this one.

When debriefing on the date with Ms A yesterday, I said ‘oh and his wallet was a bit strange…’ when she interrupts ‘oh no, did it have velcro?’ in a shocked voice.

Fortunately it wasn’t a corduroy Rip Curl wallet from the 90’s, but I’m not sure how I feel about a yellow wallet. Apparently it’s a lucky feng shui colour that can bring wealth…

Thoughts??

Picture Source: Bob & Friends

The Date with Drew

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Ok, so Drew is not his real name, but on the morning before our date it finally occurred to me who my date reminded me of. Drew Carey when he got thin. So my date looked just like the picture above, but about 15 years younger and not wearing a bow tie….

I’ll admit, it deterred me a little. I sent a pic of my date, plus the pic of Drew to my girlfriends Ms K and Ms E and they replied trying to be quite positive saying things like ‘Maybe he’s really funny?!?’.

I talked myself out of the date all afternoon, but I’m not the type to pull out at the last minute unless I really have to, so I headed off to the date after work. When I got inside the restaurant he was sitting at a little table for two in the corner. He stood when I arrived and I gave him a kiss on the cheek and he offered to switch seats as the other chair was in the aisle that headed in towards the kitchen. What a gentleman – I’m again liking his style!

We sat and he started talking – FAST! He seemed really nervous and his conversation was definitely on fast forward. The waitress came over and we had not even looked at the menu after about 5 mins, so she said she’d return for our drink orders. He asked if I was in the mood for wine – anyone that knows me well will know that I am always in the mood for wine and he passes me the wine list to pick what I wanted.

I tell him I’m in the mood for the Barossa Shiraz and he asks if we should get a bottle. I say sure , why not! I’m driving but it looked like the dinner would be full of conversation and go long enough for me to be able to share almost half a red. He orders the red, it comes and after the waitress leaves the table he tells me he likes the wine, but he usually doesn’t drink red. He doesn’t drink much wine at all, but when he does it’s mostly white. Oh stop it, you are being far too sweet trying to please me….but I kinda like it!

We get a couple of tapas dishes to share. The food comes out slowly which is ideal as we are busy chatting along the way. It is non stop chat and he comes across as very intelligent and has a rational and logical view point on life. Although he has moved interstate away from his family, he is very close to them and lights up when he talks about them, but not in a mumma’s boy kind of way.

He polishes off the rest of the tapas after politely asking me if I wanted the last of each dish.  I read the dessert menu earlier and have my eye on something sweet instead. He said he too read it at work and was thinking the same thing. Great minds hey!

We get dessert and finish the wine. The waitress comes over to wrap things up as everyone else has now left. He takes the bill and I do my ‘Would you like go halves?’ question, even though I really don’t mean it. I think I’ve mentioned before that even though I am a modern woman in many ways, I really appreciate old school, gentlemanly charm!

He says ‘no, don’t be silly’ and gives the waitress his credit card. We leave the restaurant and my car is parked just up the street which is on the way to the train station where he needs to go. I notice as we are walking along that I’m a bit taller than him. I’m 5’10” and his profile said he was 5’11”. I was wearing ankle boots with a pretty standard 3″ heel, so I was standing about 6’1″ tall. I find myself slighting stooping to adjust the height differential. We stand talking about my car for a while (initiated by him I would just like to point out for those that know me and know how I like to bang on about Black Betty) and whilst engrossed in conversation a homeless man turns up out of nowhere asking for money.

That’s our queue to say goodnight for sure! I give him a kiss on the cheek and jump in the car saying ‘Let’s talk soon’. This is standard practice for ending pretty much all of my dates, whether I mean it or not, but on this occasion I do. I’m not sure I really felt the romantic chemistry on the date, but it was certainly fun and I would be happy to see him again to see if there is actually anything there.

I txt him when I get home and thank him again for dinner and say it’s my shout next time.  He replies saying that it might offend his old fashioned sensibilities for me to pay, but says he’ll hold me to it.

All in all, a great date!

Picture Source: People

It’s Raining Men!

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In a recent post I was complaining about how I have been struggling to find any men to date lately. Now I’m feeling a bit inundated and it is proving difficult to keep up with them all! I’m doing a Project Management course at uni at the moment and I’m seriously considering scheduling my chats, txts, emails and dates into a GANTT chart (what a nerd….).

Tomorrow night I have a first date planned with a guy I met on RSVP. We had exchanged a few emails on there and I generally only like to email back and forth about 3 or 4 times. After that I’m getting bored of the usual ‘how was your day’, ‘how was your weekend’ and ‘what do you like to do for fun’ questions and I need to move it to real time chat.

I gave him my number and we txt’d a little and decided on the Thursday night date. He is new to Sydney having moved from interstate a few months back, but he still wanted to plan the date and said he’d investigate somewhere to go. I’m kinda diggin’ his style so far! I can’t stand guys that do the ‘I don’t care where we go, you pick’. I like them to take a bit of control and be ‘the man’ in the relationship from the start!

We spoke last night on the phone for the first time and the conversation flowed well. We are off to a Tapas restaurant tomorrow night and I’ve been in a real Tapas + Red Wine mood lately (for say the last 2-5 yrs haha) so even if the date is bad, it should be a pleasant evening regardless.

Alongside this I have 5 other guys I’m emailing on RSVP. A few are being a bit slow on the replies, some I can’t keep up with them. I also joined back up to eHarmony over the weekend and I’m emailing two there. And I’ve got one Tinder one on the go too….

In the offline world, I’ve also got 2 girlfriends attempting to set me up! Which never happens. Ms S, has been talking about a guy at her work that she met and immediately thought I’d fall in love with. I’ve Facebook stalked the shit out of him and he is totally gorgeous!! Also, over a dinner catch up recently, Ms K disagreed with me on my Nathan theory and tried to convince me that I just hadn’t met the right Nathan yet. Turns out she works with a lovely Nathan and she is trying to get us in touch.

I had lunch with Ms A today and filled her in on all of the above. She said she had a very good feeling about all of this and that something good will come of it. I told her not to count her chickens too early as we’ve been here before (Dating Palooza Weekend), but I do like my glass to be half full. Especially when it’s half full with red wine ;p

PS – Earlier this week I had my first ever hate mail on my blog. Check it out in the ‘Comments’ section of my About page! It means you’re doing a good job as a blogger if your writing compels someone to call you the C word right? 😉

Instant Dismissal

Online dating has been particularly tedious in the past week. Lots of looking, but at nothing interesting. There has just been a constant stream of undesirable profile characteristics that lead to instant dismissal. Such as:

Guys over 45

Guys under 30 (especially the 15 yr old Tinder gave me tonight – will I get arrested for that??)

Holden shirt wearers

Ford shirt wearers

Actually any motor shirts, alcohol shirts, football shirts…..

Guys that appear in all 6 pics wearing G-Star RAW shirts (are you being sponsored??)

Bathroom mirror shots (especially with the toilet lid up, yes lid, not just seat, animals!)

Pics of guys smoking and thinking that they look dead sexy doing it (thank you for revealing your filthy habit upfront)

Pics eating a mandarin (thank you for revealing your filthy hab…ok this has never happened, but I am petitioning for one’s stance on this to be part of the standard questionnaire on dating sites)

Earring wearers (hey you over there, the East 17 look-a-like, alllllright, allllright, everythinks gunna be alllright)

Double denim

Cat owners

Bird owners

Small human owners

Lazy eyes (look at moi Kimmy, look at moi….)

Missing tooth

Silver tooth

Black tooth

Only one tooth

Gold chains

Wife beater singlets

DJ pic (scratch, scratch, I’ve got an iPhone playlist and I’m rocking it in da house tonight for shiz!)

Gym mirror pic

Urinal mirror pic (especially you Todd Carney)

Lives in a dodge sounding suburb. Eg Raby, Airds, Shalvy, Mount Druitt, Rooty Hill (it’s not as fun as it may sound….)

No car

No licence

No job

No personality

No idea how to wear shorts…..what is a male camel toe called?!?!

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Sigh…..

How dumb do you think I am?

My dating life is running a little quiet at the moment. I’ve started talking to a few guys on Tinder, RSVP and POF, but all of them sound like dim wits. I got another txt from Frenchie today. He hasn’t yet given up.

Since I don’t have anything new to tell you about, I will fill you in on something that happened a few weeks ago.

Online dating is so often based on looks as you don’t really have much else compelling to go off from profiles. I was looking through profiles on POF and decided to send a bald guy a message. Now, as shallow as it is, I don’t usually go for baldys but my usual type has tended to be a disaster lately, so I thought I’d give him a shot.

Hours later I get a reply from him saying ‘<insert real name here>…Damo says hi….’.

Remember Damo? The real estate guy that I had two dates with, had planned a third and he went AWOL? Great, he is friends with baldy. Mental note, no more baldys. They make bad life choices.

I reply saying ‘Really? I don’t recall him to be the talkative type’….since he didn’t have the balls to tell me that he didn’t want to go on that third date.

Baldy then replies ‘ Haha sorry. Totally random. I looked at my phone and your profile picture came up. Some guy at the bar said he knew you. Real estate guy. Total wanker. Could have just been kidding. Unless you know a Damo?’

Oh right. So a random guy at the bar snoops at another guy’s phone and that results in a conversation, not a punch up? Yep, that sounds like something guys do. No one would have an issue with that.

AND you formed such a close bond that you discussed jobs and everything? Sounds totally feasible. I bet you had a sword fight too.

Honestly, how dumb do guys think we are?!?

Wanna sword fight? - WANNA SWORD FIGHT? Pickup Line Scientist

Source: Quick Meme

Inspirational Fitted Sheet Folding

Last night I caught up with some friends for drinks to celebrate Ms K’s birthday. As often happens, I spent a bit of time lamenting on how difficult it is proving to find myself a man.

I was telling my friends about my time on RSVP, Tinder and POF and how all the men I am currently meeting on these sites are boring. Ridiculously boring.

I also told them about a French guy I met on POF last week and because we were both pretty busy this week, we couldn’t catch up before Sunday night (tonight). Throughout the week, Frenchie has been txting me relentlessly. Now, I know that many of my recent posts have been complaining about the lack of contact from men. I guess it’s one of those situations where the grass is always greener, because this guy has been messaging me morning, noon and night. Even if I haven’t yet responded to a txt, he will sent another, then another…

So I was becoming increasingly less interested in this guy as the week progressed and then yesterday he sent me this…

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After that, I don’t think I could have mustered up any attraction to this man again. Not if he had a sexy french accent like the gorgeous chef Manu Feildel. Note even if he looked like Channing Tatum.

Yesterday afternoon I called him to suss out if he sounded like a complete weirdo or not, and if he did I would pull the pin on the date tonight. I called, got voicemail and his accent was not sexy. Not one bit sexy. I didn’t leave a message and I haven’t heard back from him, or received my inspirational quote for the day, so I guess he is another one of my dates that has died. At least I’m not too fussed this time.

Back to Ms K’s drinks, at one point we were discussing different ways to fold a fitted sheet with each of us describing how we prefer to do it. It became very clear at that point that I need to get out more…..no single, highly desirable man is hanging out discussing sheet folding!!

(Although I did have a lovely time catching up with my friends!)

Matchmaker Court Ordered to Refund

My friend, Ms E, who has been closely following my interactions with Blue Label Life (BLL) messaged me earlier in the week to tell me that she had just heard a news item on the radio about a dating agency in Melbourne being court ordered to refund their matchmaking fee for providing unsatisfactory service.

Sound familiar??

I googled the story and found that it was actually the same company that I went through, but their Melbourne office.

Read the story here.

I particularly like the part in the article that mentions that BLL believe Sofia’s ‘behaviour and what we felt at the time were unreasonable demands made it impossible for a resolution to be found’.

Sound familiar??

The article included the journalist’s details, so I emailed him and told him that I too had a similar experience with BLL and asked him to pass on my details and the link to this blog as I would love to talk to Sofia who was featured in the article. He said that had had received a number of similar emails that day.

Later that day Sofia contacted me to tell me that she was being interviewed on the Project on Channel 10. I rushed home to watch and it was a funny little story towards the end of the show. Sofia was asked by the panel if she would get her money back and despite the court order (which BLL are appealing according to the article), she said she has little chance of actually getting the refund, but she is just happy that she has got the word out there so others know how her experience panned out.

I hear ya sister! I feel the same way. Views of my blog went a little nuts that day and I have noticed a new negative post has been posted on True Local since.

The Dating Intelligence Test

I’m not finding many good fish on POF. There are a lot of shall we say ‘bogan types’ on this particular site, which is evident by the spelling and use of/lack of grammar in their profiles.

This is actually the great thing about online dating. You get to do an intelligence test on potential future husbands before even contacting them.

If a man can’t manage the appropriate use of their/there/they’re or your/you’re, they are likely missing many other important life skills.

Which makes this Facebook post even funnier. Yes, I am over the debacle that was the Executive Matchmaker, but before I unliked their Facebook page I noticed this post. Whoever you are Matt Strempel, you are freakin’ hilarious and my favourite person this week.

I’m currently taking applications of candidates wishing to be my favourite person next week. Email me. Seriously. Do it. Do it now…

Facebook PostPicture Source: Facebook