Hairy Arm Porsche Douche

You probably already know by that title that this story doesn’t end well….

Hairy Arm Porsche Douche (HAPD) says he wants me to come pick me up on our next date and that I should pick a restaurant near me. I wondered if he wanted to a) show off his car or b) head out local to my place so he can get ‘invited in’ when he drops me home. I usually wouldn’t agree to get picked up by a guy after just one date, but I had a good feeling about this one.

So he comes to pick me up and the car looks quite nice! I had picked a tapas restaurant in Balmain which I had never been to before, but the website looked all dark and moody which I thought would provide the perfect ambiance for a date and it delivered. We order a few dishes and a bottle of wine and the chat continues just like the first date. Effortless and very amusing. I realise I’m getting a bit tiddly and I have probably been talking far too much so I start going for the water! I’m also taking these chinese herbs that are good for weight loss and they make me incredibly thirsty….so I’m gulping down liquid!

After a few hours, we ask for the bill and the waitress gives it to HAPD. I ask for it saying I’ll pay as he paid last time and I picked the restaurant so it’s my shout. He said he’d like to split it, or I should let him pay. After his song and dance about his relaxed career I thought I didn’t want him paying the $140 bill, so after much debate I said ok let’s split it. That was a little annoying. I would have preferred him to have just let me pay for it, or for him to just pay for it rather than discuss it at length!

We head out to the car and as we drive back to my place we start talking about his car. I knew it was an older Porsche as evident by the stereo inside (tape deck), but he then says that he wanted that model precisely and that he couldn’t justify paying $40-$50K on a car. I keep quiet about my car…which was worth quite a bit more than that when I bought it!

We are joking around in the car and then I must have gone quiet and he asks ‘what are you thinking about?’. I was actually deep in thought thinking about how I wanted to kiss him, but these damn chinese herbs have made me so thirsty I’m worried my mouth will be dry and awful to kiss. So I tell him exactly that and ask if he wants to come in for a sec, but not for sex! haha.

He agrees and we park and walk into my apartment. I give him the tour and he comments about how nice my place is. I think it’s nice sure, but it’s not exceptional. He is commenting on random things like ‘you have a nice lounge’ and a big tv and he is saying ‘most people don’t live like this’. Weird…

We kiss for a bit, it is lovely and he certainly would not have been opposed if I had asked him to stay longer….but I kiss him goodbye and send him on his way. The next day we exchange txts about having a nice time and that we are looking forward to the next date. I was busy all day saturday, he was busy all day sunday so the weekend didn’t line up, but he said he’d come back to me early next week to line it up. I’ve got a good feeling about this guy, we seem so similar on many things and really click.

We exchange flirty messages monday, but no date is arranged. Same happens on Tuesday. I’m at work on Wednesday and he sends me an epic txt. It reads something along the lines that he must apologise that he hadn’t been entirely honest with me and that he had recently broken up with his gf who he had planned to marry and that he was a ‘broken man’ and that he still loved her and thought he was ready to date, but he realises now that he isn’t. He then went on about how he thought I was a wonderful person and wished me well in my MBA at uni. What a strange way to end a ‘break up’ txt?!?!

I replied that I was disappointed and we exchanged a few messages, but it was clear he had made up his mind and I gave up on him. I expected to see him drop off RSVP that night, but he was still there.

He was still there the day after and he had been active that day, then the next day, the next, the next and everyday for over a week. Flipping ASSHOLE!!! So I have some drinks with some gfs and we are discussing how guys are just dicks most of the time. They behave terribly and if we call them on it we look like irrational girls that were madly in love with them and are desperate, or we ignore them and they just get away with it.

I decided he needed to know he was an ass, so I send him a message on RSVP asking how his ‘time and space’ from dating was going. He replied saying it was going well as he hadn’t dated anyone since me (despite his constant presence on the site) and then said that it wouldn’t have worked out for us as I’m a workaholic and he isn’t.

Now I know it wouldn’t have worked out between us because either a) he is an idiot or b) he is intimidated by me, perhaps both. I’m not a workaholic. I’m career motivated because I enjoy it and I am driven to achieve professionally, but I have a heap of time to spend with those that are important to me. I manage to find at least 2.5 hours a week to watch neighbours for goodness sake!!

So that is how Hairy Arm Porsche Dude morphed into Hair Arm Porsche Douche.

And over a month and a half later, he is still online everyday, still searching for a girl ‘looking for a genuine relationship’.


  1. thenarcissistwrites · May 14, 2014

    LOL. He is totally just looking for sex 😛


    • seriouslysingleinsyd · May 14, 2014

      Ok, yes it appears so. But why do guys bother to find sex this way?!? It seems so time consuming to invest in a couple of dates whilst just aiming for a shag and to be out of there! I often say men are time wasters and this just validates it. Such an inefficient process!


      • thenarcissistwrites · May 14, 2014

        I don’t think so! They make dates, get in someone’s pants if they can… And if they can’t whatever, they got a drink or a dinner out of it and they don’t have to spend the night in an unfamiliar bed 😛 That’s the way I look at it when I can’t get in someone’s pants, anyway 😛


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