Some nights are just a waste of good makeup

Bad food

Tonight was my group singles dinner date. I signed up for A Table For Six back in February, but tonight was the first dinner that I have attended. Partly due to me being busy on nights that they have run suitable events, partly as I haven’t had that many events to choose from anyway, or I don’t get selected for them.

When I first looked into this ‘dating agency’ I was interested because they go to restaurants that I really like, like China Doll. Three guys and three girls are grouped together to meet at a restaurant and have dinner. I had low expectations about who I would meet as the info that you know about your fellow diners before you go is just their age range usually. I had been looking at the 30-40 year old groups, but particularly the ones that are for people with no children. That is pretty much the only other discriminating factor available.

But I thought that there would be a certain quality of man that would go to these as there is an annual membership fee, plus a small booking fee when you go to an event and then you have to pay for your own dinner and many of the restaurants are quite nice and expensive. I also thought, even if the dates are not to my liking, I would enjoy dining at a nice restaurant anyway.

Tonight was not a good first experience. Firstly, with the Vivid festival on in Sydney it was quite an ordeal to get into the city. When I got there I followed a girl in who I overhead asking for the table reservation for our group, so I jumped in and said I was here for the same thing. We were dead on time for the 7:30pm reservation, but were asked to wait by the side for a few minutes. When we were shown to our table, we were the first there. Shortly after another lady joined and we all got chatting.

20 mins later, just as we were thinking we had been stood up, we were joined by a guy. I was immediately disappointed as even though I was sitting down, I could tell he was jockey sized. He sat down and we all started talking. By 8pm we had assumed that the other two guys were not going to be attending and we moved our seats around so we were a table of 4.

About 8:15pm another guy arrives just as we were finally about to order. He is taller, but comes in very brash and loud and I’m not too sure about him. He then tries to dominate the conversation and is swearing and just seems quite rough. I actually suspect there was never another guy joining us as looking at their website, the listing for tonight’s dinner still says that ‘1 guy left to join’. That is annoying in itself that our ‘table for six’ was a ‘table for five’, but surely it wouldn’t be that hard to let us know so we don’t wait around for that person, or expect them.

The short guy is lovely and you can have a decent conversation with him. The other ladies are nice to chat to too. But the other guy is just vile. He is arrogant, rude to our waitress and speaks of his ex’s frequently. At the end of the night he talks to one of the other ladies about how he isn’t over his ex and he wants to get back with her etc. Well, don’t go out to singles dinner clubs huh, huh?!?!

This dinner is awful. The italian restaurant we went to had the most average food, wine and service, plus the toilets were disgusting. So not only has this not been a success story in meeting a man, but it has been an underwhelming foodie experience and that is just not cool. Plus, I got all made up for nothing wasting all that makeup ;p

Perhaps this isn’t for me. I am holding out hope that the last date of the weekend tomorrow night is a winner. We exchanged a few texts today and I’m really excited to meet him!

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Date 2 of 6 this Weekend

Where are you?

Date 2 was a lunch date with a guy I had been talking to on RSVP for a couple of weeks. We had decided to meet up for Yum Cha at Bondi at 1pm. I had an appointment in the morning and thought I would head home after it for a while, then head to Bondi. But when the appointment ran late, it was easiest to leave from there, which meant I was half an hour early for lunch.

I messaged my date and told him that I had inadvertently arrived rather early and that if he too by chance was early as well, we could catch up earlier. He replied after 10 minutes saying he would be there in 10 mins, so I was expecting him about 10 minutes to 1pm. Sweet.

That comes and goes and no sign of him. Then 1pm comes….and goes. At 1:08pm I’m starting to get annoyed, then I get a message saying ‘Just parking now’. OK….. Then at 1:20pm I get another message saying ‘I’m here’ but I can’t see him anywhere. I reply and say I’m still waiting where I said I was and then a few minutes later he finally arrives.

I can’t stand lateness. It is such a selfish trait that the other person doesn’t care enough to get themselves together and be on time and just wastes your time. Sure, I understand things happen. But at least manage other people’s time better. Tell them as soon as you know you will be late, not well after the time you should of been there!

So it’s an awkward meet, then we have to stand in queue for a while to get a table. We sit down and yum cha may have been a poor choice as he is near the aisle where the cart is going past and I am right up against two other loud tables and he has to keep translating to me what is in the cart and we have to make quick decisions, but we don’t know what the other likes.

We get quite a few dishes though and conversation is flowing ok, but it’s not very sparky or flirty. But how flirty can a lunch date be??

We finish up after about an hour and 20 mins and head out. He pays saying he couldn’t possibly let me go halves after making me wait so long. We walk outside to the car park together and i kiss him on the cheek and say ‘chat soon’ and head off on my way.

I can’t say I really felt a connection to him. He was a nice enough guy, but I’m not sure I’d be any more interested in him after a second date. But still, it’s often nice to meet new people and yum cha is fantastic, so all in all other than the lateness it was a good date.

Dating Palooza Weekend

Love Match

Sometimes when it rains, it pours. It is pouring this weekend.

I have 4 different dates over 3 days, with 6 guys in total. Let me explain.

Date 1 – Chef I met on Tinder – met him tonight at a local pub. We had dinner, lots of chatting and I had a really nice time. I would be keen to go on a second date with him, but can’t say I felt the chemistry tonight.

Date 2 – Lunch Saturday with a real estate guy I met on RSVP

Date 3 – This is my first dinner with a dinner club I signed up with in February where they match 3 guys and 3 girls and send them out to dinner. I have quite low expectations of this as all I know about these men are that they are 30-40 yrs old and they like eating dinner!! They may be short, they may have kids, they may be smokers, they may wear jackets with elbow patches….

But this should be a fun night as it is at an Italian restaurant in the city and I’ve been keen to go check out the Vivid light festival on the harbour, so I feel I can’t go wrong.

Date 4 – Late afternoon drinks on Sunday with a sexy English accent guy from Tinder

If it’s a numbers game, I might have it pegged. They do say you kiss a lot of frogs before….

I will also have to write about my matchmaker dramas this week. Basic premise is that after I complained about how unhappy I am with the service and asked for half my money back as she has only provided half the dates, she told me that I’m too picky with the men I decline and that men are declining my profile a lot. Well, I seem to be getting plenty of dates from men who have seen my online profiles…and most of these guys are free!

Wish me luck!

Matchmaker date 3 – The Spitter

Beautiful girl portrait with umbrella

This is an older story that happened probably October or so last year – but it has to be told. Honestly, this whole executive matchmaker thing has been so ridiculous that people often ask if I am making it up! I’ve paid this company a significant amount of money to get access to a more exclusive group of men than I am finding on RSVP and Tinder and I’m getting nothing but undateable duds!

I assumed the men would have good jobs seeing they were able to pay for their membership too, but this hasn’t been the case with the call centre worker or the petrol tank driver. I can only assume that the men pay less (if at all) as there is definitely a man shortage in Sydney!

So after two dud dates, one that we have agreed does not count (the petrol tank driver) as he is certainly not a professional, nor an executive, I am hopeful my matchmaker (MM) has finally pulled it together. The next man she sends me heads up an IT dept at a major company, is late 30’s by the look of it, his profile seems interesting and he lists his height as 5’11 which is just 1 inch taller than me, but it will do.

I say I would be happy to meet him, he also says he is happy to meet me and we speak on the phone to arrange a date. We agree to meet at a bar in the city one night after work. As I am approaching the bar, I notice that I am walking behind a man wearing a backpack looking quite confused about where he is going. I also notice that he has a bald spot rapidly approaching, but hey again, I am not perfect and I think I have to accept thinning hair in men getting towards their 40’s. But if Ricky Martin had turned up AND decided he was straight, I’d certainly take that instead….

This man turns around and I see that it is definitely my guy. I approach and say his name as a question to confirm it is him, he says yes and I go to give him the standard first date kiss on the cheek….and he extends his hand for a handshake. Okay…….

I also notice at this point that he is wearing teeth braces. And not the discreet type that I see some mature adults wearing these days, certainly not invisalign. They looked exactly like the ones that my fellow students wore in school with the elastics. I immediately feel a bit bad for him thinking that he must have had a car accident or fell off a horse or something to be his age and wearing those kind of braces.

We head into the bar and whilst I look at the cocktail menu, he stands behind me and to the side like we are not together at all. The barman is the typical, flirty, ‘I work for tips’ kind of barman and he asks me about my day and we have a cheeky conversation as if my date is not standing right there, or perhaps he thinks he is my special cousin standing all shy in the corner. We order and then the barman clicks that I am with this guy and he asks him for the $18 for both drinks. He hands over a $20 and I too have a $20 and I offer to pay instead as my drink was far more expensive than his cider, but he says to not worry.

We find a table outside on the balcony overlooking the water. I am sitting facing the water and the sun is setting so I’m wearing my sunglasses for the glare. The conversation is awkward, he seems very uncomfortable and I’m waiting for the story about the teeth. He also seems to be missing both canine teeth on the top row. A man of his age, who is trying to date and find a serious partner, surely should be coughing up the story as to why he is wearing braces like a teenager.

When MM originally met with me and asked what my top 5 deal breakers were I told her:

1. intelligent

2. Funny

3. Tall

4. Nice Teeth

5. No kids

I can’t help but wonder whilst he is telling some story how MM thought he would be a good match for me when CLEARLY I rated nice teeth quite highly. I also recalled that in his profile picture his mouth was shut, thus withholding crucial information about the date!

He continues to talk and I start noticing that the black laminate (classy) table that we are sitting at is increasingly being populated with little dots of water. Which are flying from his mouth. Yes, flying through the air with the greatest of ease.

Yet, still no comment about the braces. Then I look down at my glass. There is a droplet of moisture on the side of my glass that does not look like condensation. What the hell is inside the glass now?!?! Suddenly I am not so thirsty…..

But it got worse, oh so much worse!! Just after I regroup after discovering the glass spit, I feel a drop on my hand. Yes, his spit has landed on my hand.

Is this story bad enough yet? Do you think it couldn’t get any worse? Do you think I’m making it up? You can’t make this shit up. Trust me.

Next, a ball of spit lands on my sunglasses lens. A big ball of spit. That I am now looking through. It’s burring my vision out of my right eye. He must see it. He is looking straight at me. But he doesn’t seem to react at all.

What do I do?!?!? I feel too rude to get a tissue out of my handbag and wipe his spittle off my sunglasses. But why the fuck doesn’t he feel too rude to not acknowledge he is spitting all over me?!?!?!

I’m done. He has finished his drink and he asks me if I’d like another, but I say I have to get home and study for a uni exam. We stand and this is the first time we’ve stood close together long enough for me to notice that he is actually shorter than me. Yep, he might be 5’9″ at best. So, as I always say, men always add an extra inch.

We say goodbye and I head off deflated that my third date with this agency has been a bust.

First thing in the morning I’m on the phone to my MM and summon her to my office to meet me for coffee so we can discuss how crap this service has been. She actually has the balls to comment that she will contact my date before she comes to get some feedback about what he thought about me. Really, what is he going to say? I had too many teeth??!?! Can you find me someone who appreciates a guy spewing bodily fluids all over her…..on the first date ;p

The (Neurotic) Script Writer

Anxious, nervous man biting his fingernails, craving something

My first date with the script writer ended about 7:30pm and I was home by 8pm. I was actually surprised when I went to bed that I hadn’t heard from him as up until our date he had been a relentless txter.

I was just drifting off to sleep when he txts, ‘how are you?’ at about midnight. A little strange. Then he says ‘I sooooo thought that you were not interested in me’. I reply and say ‘why is that?’ but he didn’t reply again that night.

Or the next day. I knew he was with his daughter on Saturday so I didn’t bother contacting him. But that evening I was heading out for dinner and drinks with some girlfriends and I had had some champagne whilst getting ready, and we all know that sometimes you can drink yourself hot! So I took a couple of selfies and one I thought was quite cute. So I sent it to all the men I’m currently txting with (about 4 eek!) and waited.

Strangely he had been sending me a message at the same time…..which was essentially the ‘break up’ txt! He said that he felt we didn’t click in person, we are better in txt and that he felt I was auditioning him and judging him. Hmmm isn’t that really what first dates are all about?!!? He then said that he thinks we should cancel Tuesday night and wishes me well.

I was so confused about this. I don’t understand how he could possibly have thought the date didn’t go well. We spoke about the next date AND he got a kiss at the end. He seems to have worked himself up into some kind of weird state and I tell him that I was really happy with the date and that it was a great appetiser for our real date on Tuesday. But if he is done, that’s fine but it’s totally his decision and there is no ill feeling from me.

Then he replies saying something along the lines that I did nothing wrong and that he had broken up with someone recently blah blah blah and that he still thought that we should put Tuesday on hold. It’s midnight by then and I’m more tiddly when I get this message, so I decide to blast him. I thank him for revealing his dickhead status early in the piece so I didn’t waste anymore time on him and told him that this whole thing has been fucking ridiculous.

I then tell my girlfriends what a knob he was and decide to move on. The next afternoon I see a txt message from him pop up on my screen and I’m thinking what the hell does he want now?!?! He writes that he has thought about it more and that he is sorry that he was so stupid and that he clearly had read the situation wrong and he would like to put our Tuesday date back on if I am willing.

I think about it over the next few hours and eventually decide to reply. I tell him that I don’t understand how he managed to get himself so worked up over a first date that went for an hour and a half and by all reasonable standards went very well! And although I’m not keen to line up Tuesday’s date again just yet, I agree that we can keep the communication up and see if we feel like meeting each other again. It really shouldn’t be this hard right?

Right!??!

Tinder date 4 – The Script Writer

Retro image of a man writing a note

I know Tinder is awful. I’ve already had several bad experiences with it, yet I continue to play the swipe, swipe, swipe game!

Late last Wednesday night I swiped through a few guys and headed off to bed. When I woke on Thursday morning I had matched with a new guy and I had about 6 messages from him. They were time stamped between 1:30am – 2pm and they were long and it appeared that he had spent the full 30 mins writing them.

As we had not yet spoken, his messages essentially wrote about how gorgeous he thought I was and that my profile was witty and cute. Who doesn’t like a man who compliments them relentlessly?!? He was a great writer, the messages were very funny, but it was rather full on for first thing in the morning. I replied with a simple ‘wow, I don’t think I have ever been that entertained by a man whilst in bed before’. Magic answer! We spent most of the day exchanging messages back and forth and by that evening he had given me his phone number and email address that included his full name.

So I jumped on that snippet of information and stalked the shit out of him online. I discovered he was a script writer who has worked on a few Australian films I knew (and didn’t like) and many I had never heard of before. We also discovered that we work in the same street in the city, just a few doors apart. We messaged some more, arranged to catch up for a drink on the following Tuesday and then continued the flirty witty messaging until 1:30am.

I woke the next day feeling quite tired. We continued to message throughout Friday and then he asked me to catch up for a quick drink after work as he couldn’t wait for Tuesday. I was excited, but freaking out as I felt that I wasn’t looking my finest after a late night the night before and I didn’t have any makeup with me as I had been planning on heading straight home after work.

He met me out the front of work and we walked to a local bar up the street. He seemed really nervous which I was surprised at as he is a bit older and has a big public profile based on my stalking. We ordered some drinks, then some bar food and the conversation flowed with lots of sexy eye contact thrown in. I was actually surprised how much I was enjoying the impromptu date as I had very low expectations of this man being that he had a child. Ideally I don’t date men with children as I have always believed that when I have children with someone I want us to experience it for the first time together. But, with the lack of decent men out there, I have been broadening my parameters (my friend calls it descoping) and in the end it is just a date right?

During the date he asks if it actually is a date, or is it classified as a ‘meet up’. I tell him it’s a date and that most people like to classify the first meet up as a date as it gets them closer to the date quota where sexy time happens! He says ‘oh really, what is that quota?’ I tell him that it is now common practice for women to have a 17 date rule. He almost falls off his chair, but then suggests on Monday that I meet him for breakfast before work, then a coffee mid-morning, lunch, afternoon coffee….you get the idea.

He has to run so he asks for the bill. The date was going so well and we had been discussing the Tuesday date, so I felt no need to offer to go halves as I thought I’d just get the next one. We leave the bar together and head up to the main street near where my car is parked and where he can grab a cab. We have a bit of an awkward ‘how will this end’ moment, but he goes in for a kiss and it was lovely. He leaves me with a cheeky comment that he will think about how he can erode some of my 17 date quota.

I walk off with a little spring in my step. It was a great date and I can’t wait to see him again on Tuesday.

What was he thinking?

Just a quick update today. I was just perusing RSVP to see if there was any new stock and I see a new member with the nickname of ‘FreshMovements’. Now I’m thinking about ‘BowelMovements’ and associating it with him.

Girls don’t want to think about poo whilst dating. Geeze, most women need to see a man about 82 times before they would even feel half ok about doing a No. 2 at his place.

Seriously, what was he thinking?

Tinder date 3 – The Gorgeous Actor

Thoughtful man with hand on chin

I met a guy on Tinder a few days ago. He had dreamy eyes, nice arms and a full head of hair. Tick, tick, tick.

We started chatted and he seemed like a really nice guy the way he spoke (typed). When he asked where I lived, he told me that he had actually house sat in my area last year and knew it quite well. He was also going to be in the area today, so we arranged to meet up.

He said I’d be the first person that he had met on Tinder as he had only been on there for 2 days. I told him about my two disasters last week where the guys had pulled out of our dates at the last minute. He promised he wouldn’t do that to me, but when I got a txt message early that morning I was pretty certain that it would be him pulling out of the date.

But no, he was just confirming where we would meet. So far so good!

We meet at a local bar and I instantly recognise him – yay his pictures were real! We get some drinks and sit and chat. Most of the talk revolves around acting. Man this guy can chat! He was nice to look at whilst I listened, so I wasn’t too put out. I wasn’t sure from our online chats if acting was his only job as he was also talking about photography and something else. But turns out it is and he is flat broke. He is living at home with his parents so he can keep acting. He is 41. He has lived there for 4 years. He has a debt collector chasing him for a loan he never paid back years ago to fund acting classes and some work on his teeth. Hmmm…

We keep chatting for a couple of hours and it’s certainly enjoyable, but we clearly have very different lives. I found myself not wanting to talk about myself much as I didn’t want to make him feel bad as we are almost opposites on many things. He mentioned that he bought his car for $2,000 and that he was outraged that something broke and that he needed to spend $800 on it. Hmmmm perhaps I won’t mention my beautiful BMW who I adore….

We finish our drinks and it’s time to head off. It definitely feels like a friends zone situation and I kiss him on the cheek and he pulls me in for a hug. He says ‘chat soon’ and heads off. It was a nice way to spend an afternoon, but I won’t chase him and I doubt I’ll hear from him either.

So I’ll just wait to see him on the big screen when he is rich and famous!

WTF is wrong with Tinder guys?!?!

woman's long legs with high heels

I’ve been talking to a guy on Tinder for about a week and a half. Strangely, unlike when talking to most guys, I had to pretty much force my number on him as he wasn’t being forthcoming in asking me to meet. I did that this morning, he said something ridiculous like “i’m honoured to have got your number” and we started txting and trying to line up a time to meet this weekend. There was constant txting throughout the day, he seemed really keen and we ending up deciding to meet at a bar near my place at 7:30pm this evening.

I rushed home from work, got changed, redid my makeup and thought my hair was looking f’ing fabulous! I was putting on my shoes just before 7pm when I get a txt message from him saying “Will you hate me if I raincheck?

I take off my shoes, put on my tracky daks and pull on my ugg boots….and order pizza. Then I send the dickhead a message saying ‘first impressions count and you just blew yours’. He replies going ‘but you haven’t met me yet’. Exactly.

This is on top of another guy I was talking to last Friday night on Tinder practically begging me to have lunch with him on Saturday as he was going overseas for work for a few weeks (or with his wife, who knows). He sounded like an ok guy, so I rearrange a few things so I can fit in lunch with him. This includes getting up extra early in the morning to get a few things done before heading off to some appointments. I had given him my phone number Friday night and we agreed to meet somewhere in Balmain at 1pm,  but didn’t lock in where exactly at that stage.

He messages me on Tinder in the morning exchanging pleasantries. Then I get home about 12pm, go fix up my hair and makeup and check my phone at 12:15pm as I need to leave soon and I need to know where to go! And here is where I find a Tinder message saying ‘sorry I can’t make lunch’ then ‘I’d really love to meet you soon’ at 12:04pm. Less than a hour before lunch! With no fake sob story about his grandma dying or anything!!! On Tinder!! He had my number (i didn’t have his) he could have called, or txt or anything less rude than sending me a stupid Tinder message.

So I reply ‘That’s lovely. Thanks for giving me so much notice’. He replies ‘are you cranky at me?’ – I love a perceptive man!

I ignored him after that but he kept sending me messages all afternoon. He is now blocked.

And this is also after another guy who I thought was fantastic after 2 dates turned into a real dick and just went AWOL. He deserves his own post though….

So in summary, Tinder is shit.

Matchmaker date 1 – Black Tooth

I’ve mentioned that I’ve ‘hired’ an Executive Matchmaker before, but I’ve not gone into detail about my first three dates before the stockbroker as yet. It’s time!

I joined up with the dating agency back in August last year. After the initial meeting and parting with some cash, I needed to go on a professional photo shoot to get my profile pic done (which was rubbish, I’ve taken better selfies after a few glasses of wine) and write my own profile. Yes, after an extensive interview where my matchmaker quizzed me for answers to questions very similar to the profile form, I indeed had to write my own profile before I could get started. Already I was getting value for money…

After submitting my profile I was matched quite quickly and sent a profile of a blonde guy. Now I usually don’t like blondes, but he was an attractive man….except he appeared to have a black tooth in his picture. I was alarmed. Nice teeth are one of the few physical attributes that I really care about in a partner.

I told my matchmaker (MM) that I would be keen to meet him and then she gave him my profile to consider. Once he too said yes, MM gave us each other’s phone number and left it with us. They recommend that the guy messages the girl first, but say if you haven’t heard from him in a day or two, the girl should make contact. I didn’t hear from him for a couple of days, so I took the bull by the horns – reluctantly. Although I am a modern woman in many ways, there are certain parts of life that I like men to play a traditional role.

We played phone tag for a bit, but eventually we were able to chat on the phone. He sounded really nervous and couldn’t talk for long, but we arranged to meet up in about 2 weeks time as he was about to go away for a bit. He made absolutely no contact with me during that time, so after such a slow start I was not looking forward to meeting up with him. I need momentum! I actually went on the date thinking that I just wanted to get it over with and move onto my next date.

I arrived at the bar that we were meeting at and waited out the front briefly before he arrived. He was shorter than I expected (again I think he added an inch on his profile) but he was quite nice looking with a cheeky smile…..and no black tooth!!

He bought us both a drink and we took a seat in a quiet corner of the bar. We chatted about where we lived (he was way out west uggghhh) and our work and I discovered he worked for the government….if you could even call it working. He spoke a lot about how little he actually needed to go to work due to RDOs, accrued leave etc and it was clear that work was not that important to him. So why was he at a dating agency targeting professionals?!?! It also sounded like he had quite a menial job answering phones in the govt office. I would certainly have not called it ‘professional’ or ‘executive’. We finished our drinks and he then told me that he needed to head off as he had to catch the train home and it takes over an hour.

We parted ways with a kiss on the cheek and I drove home rather deflated. Would this be the standard of all the men I met through through the agency? Was this guy their ‘decoy’ that they sent out on their first dates so women think all the guys were good looking? Was he a paying member of the dating agency as he seemed very non-fussed by the whole process?

I called my MM the next morning to debrief on the date. I expressed my disappointment that my date was not executive or professional and essentially my concerns were brushed off by my MM.

But it was only date 1 of 6. So I decided to remain positive that I would get matched up with a great man next!